IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

As a result of deforestation and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered and some are even facing extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What can be done to deal with this problem?

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Irrefutably,
forests
Use synonyms
 have a huge influence on people’s lives virtually all around the world. Considering
this
Linking Words
 scenario, some people believe that deforestation and hunting should permit the people,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 others believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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it is part of our society to keep alive our ecosystem. I completely agree with the point
that
Change preposition
of that
show examples
 statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the above-given argument about deforestation and illegal hunting before reaching any staunch conclusion. Predominantly, there are myriads of benefits
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
forests
Use synonyms
 and
animals
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
,
forests
Use synonyms
give
Wrong verb form
gave
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 us wood
where
Correct word choice
which
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 we use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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for
house hold
Correct your spelling
household
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 purposes. Another reason is that animal maintains
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
show examples
 on the
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, humans use wood to lit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fire and cook food,
heat-up
Correct your spelling
heat up
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 their houses in the winter season and manufacture furniture for their uses,personally
as-well-as
Correct your spelling
as well as
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 commercially.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is clearly evident that
forests
Use synonyms
 and
animals
Use synonyms
 are beneficial for our community.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, strict laws and public awareness. The Government must impose hard rules on cutting jungles and prohibit to
kill
Replace the word
killing
show examples
Use synonyms
animals
Change preposition
of animals
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the administration should organise campaigns and explain to the people,
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the dangers
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
enviromnet
Correct your spelling
environment
and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India, there is strict regulation for everyone, ban
imposed
Add a missing verb
is imposed
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 on cutt jungles and
kill
Wrong verb form
killing
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as the tiger.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, it is apparent that
forests
Use synonyms
 and
animals
Use synonyms
 are part of our generation as they
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 living with us
millions
Change preposition
for millions
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 of years. Putting
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 a nutshell, following the analysis of trees, they give
shelters
Fix the agreement mistake
shelter
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 and food to
humankinds
Correct your spelling
humankind
 and
animals
Use synonyms
.
Further
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 animal maintains
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
show examples
 and
forests
Use synonyms
 keep our surroundings
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full of oxygen.
However
Linking Words
,
some time
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
forests
Use synonyms
 are spread on
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
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 soil and
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 damage
farmers
Change noun form
farmers'
farmer's
show examples
 crops, but it is not
major
Correct article usage
a major
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 issue
instead
Linking Words
 to kill someone and cut trees, which may
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming.

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Task Response
To improve Task Response, ensure you directly address the question by stating why it is important to protect animals and offering clear, specific measures to solve the problem of deforestation and illegal hunting. Your essay tended to focus more on their benefits and the need for laws, rather than directly answering why protection is crucial and detailing solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on linking ideas more smoothly and clearly. Use a wider range of linking words and topic sentences to make paragraphs flow more logically. Organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs each focused on a single idea, and a concise conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
To create a more cohesive essay, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples. Try to directly relate your examples and reasons to the question of protecting animals and combating deforestation and illegal hunting, making the relevance explicit.
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