IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #climate #change #effect #business #opportunities
Many individuals consider climatic changes detrimental to their business;
however
, others consider it as an opportunity to grow. In my opinion,
climate
 change creates new work opportunities. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
viewpoints are discussed in the essay.
Climate
 variation can certainly hurt businesses.
For example
, extreme weather conditions affect crops. A poor harvest will make farmers poorer and affect rural economies. When farmers do not have money to spend, the demand for products will decrease. Obviously,
this
 is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all trade.
Likewise
, extreme rainfall or flooding may force stores to stay closed for days on end. All of these scenarios are harmful to businesses.
Conversely
, for many companies, the changing weather conditions are an affirmative way to grow.
This
 is because climatic changes create new demands and as the demands are dynamic, the organisations can grab the opportunity to provide whatever is needed.
For example
, in 2019, Delhi was covered with smog in the month of October and
according to
 the survey conducted by the Economic Times, the sale of
air-purifiers
Correct your spelling
air purifiers
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 and anti-pollution masks increased by almost 100%.
Likewise
, poor rainfall increases the demand for rainwater harvesting systems. In the same way, hotter summers provide
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 a great opportunity to sell more fans and air conditioners. These examples clearly prove that if businesses are capable of catering to the changing needs of society in the wake of
climate
 modification, they can reap rich dividends. In conclusion,
although
 many people consider
climate
 transformation as bad for their trade, in my opinion,it is possible to gain huge monetary benefits from
such
 changes.
Submitted by manidandiwal000 on

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coherence cohesion
Throughout the essay, the argument structure is clear and logical. However, the body paragraphs could be more cohesive by ensuring each one contains a single, well-explained viewpoint. It might be beneficial to reconsider the flow of reasoning and information in the center of the paragraphs.
task achievement
In respect to Task Achievement, the essay fully addresses the demands of the task; both sides are discussed and a personal perspective is provided. Nevertheless, the discussion of each viewpoint, although present and relatable, could be further refined for clarity to score higher.
lexical resource
You showed a wide range of vocabulary with appropriate use of phrases and expressions. Nonetheless, be mindful of ensuring that word/phrase choice is always accurate for the intended meaning.
grammatical range and accuracy
The sentences are generally well-structured and various complex grammatical structures are well-executed. However, there are a few minor punctuation errors. For example, ensure you have spaces after punctuation like commas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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