IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Report research suggests that majority of criminals who were sent to prison would commit crimes when set free. What do you think of this case? What to be done to solve this problem?

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It is generally accepted that in modern
society
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, the number of criminal
crimes
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 has
been
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apply
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increased a lot in the
last
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 time. Some researchers argue that the
crimes
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 should be committed after the person comes out
from
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of
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jail
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.
This
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 essay will demonstrate the benefits of why the
crimes
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 should be ended and provide several solutions to deal with these problems throughout the following paragraphs. On the one hand, the first initial reason why
people
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 who have been arrested or have been in
jail
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 for a
while
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 should be free from the legal system. Everyone should have their own freedom, especially "words of mouth".
Furthermore
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, these
people
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also
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 have
such
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 bad memories in
jail
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, on top of that it would be really bad if
people
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 still judged them, that they cannot be
a
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apply
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good
individual
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individuals
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 for
society
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.
Additionally
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,
their
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there
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are
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is
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 many of news about homelessness, some of these
people
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 are from
jail
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, and they cannot blend into
society
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 because everyone
concerned
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is concerned
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 about safety. Apart from that, the number of unemployed gradually rose every year.
On the other hand
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, the significant solutions to deal with the problem.
Firstly
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,
people
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 have to open their minds, they have to set their minds as a chance to all of their friends.
In addition
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, the owner of the company should not judge the employees from only certificates of graduation, but they need to offer alternative ways for other
people
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, those who
also
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 have special talents
too
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apply
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. Apart from that, each person has different special skills,
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so the
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the
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they
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harder
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apply
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should focus more on their permanent skills rather than looking at the history of the crime that they got. To help develop
society
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, criminal
people
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 should be equal with everyone without judging, in the future they might bring
a
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apply
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succeed
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success
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 to the nations
,
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apply
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 if they have a chance to do so. In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are many benefits to committing
crimes
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 and setting them for free for a person, by giving them an opportunity and equality in the world.

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Task Response
Clarify your position and argument in both the introduction and the conclusion. The essay has a confusing stance regarding criminal activities and rehabilitation, which could be made clearer.
Task Response
Provide more concrete and specific examples to support your arguments. This would strengthen your essay by showing real-world applications or evidence of your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow logically from one to the next. Use transition words to help guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on developing a consistent argument throughout the essay. It appears there's a mix of advocating for freedom post-incarceration, non-judgment from society, and offering opportunities, but the connection between these ideas is not very clear.
General
Pay attention to grammar and syntax. Some sentences are grammatically incorrect or awkwardly structured, affecting the clarity of your message. Consider revising sentences for clarity and simplicity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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