Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In the modern era, some individuals think
sport
is just meant to amuse while
other
think it has a major impact on society. I fully endorse the latter standpoint which I'm going to explain more about in the rest of Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
essay.
To begin
with, it is believed that sport
can have positive
influence on the community. Add an article
a positive
Firstly
, enhancements created by sport
in the body are undeniable in the academic world. For example
, fifteen minutes of daily exercise can improve function
of the brain and rejuvenate people which Add an article
the function
prolong
their lives. Correct subject-verb agreement
prolongs
Secondly
, exercise can also
be beneficial to
mental and spiritual problems. It can be a great source of motivation for individuals to be happy and have Change preposition
for
a
great perseverance. Remove the article
apply
Finally
, empathy can be increased in a community by sport
which brings fellas together and extend
their relationships.
Correct subject-verb agreement
extends
On the other hand
, some groups tout physical activities as means
of amusements. In some nations, Correct article usage
a means
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
is
becoming unaffordable and many people don't Correct subject-verb agreement
are
acces
the requisite means for it. Correct your spelling
access
accept
Moreover
, Some gyms force the
society to bear unnecessary costs which Correct article usage
apply
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
sport
even more expensive. A pair of moderate running shoes, Fix the agreement mistake
sports
for instance
, cost
about a hundred USD which requires an Iranian worker to work about three Wrong verb form
costs
month
to afford them. Change to a plural noun
months
Additionally
, The competition in sport
is getting more unhealthy by using some harmful substances Fix the agreement mistake
sports
which
their consequences emerge in older ages. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Such
as Ronnie Coleman, a renowned bodybuilder in Correct article usage
the 1980's
1980's
who got crippled Change noun form
1980s
last
year because of the substance he used to consume in his youth.
To conclude
, I believe physical activitiy
can construct the fundamentals Correct your spelling
activity
in
Change preposition
of
a nations
and bring an abundance of benefits to the country which Correct the article-noun agreement
nations
a nation
make
it something more than just Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
an
entertainment.Remove the article
apply
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task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by directly addressing both views before announcing your stance. This ensures a comprehensive coverage of the prompt.
task achievement
Enhance clarity and depth in your discussion by significantly expanding on your ideas, especially in contrasting the two views. This could include more detailed examples, statistical data, or references to studies.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a logical flow throughout by more effectively linking paragraphs and ideas using a variety of cohesive devices. Though your essay exhibits a clear structure, smoother transitions could significantly heighten its coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Work on the balance between both sides of the argument. While it's clear you support one view, dedicating a bit more effort to explore and explain the opposing view could enrich the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation for clearer expression. Minor errors can distract from the main message and affect the overall professionalism of the essay.