Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
To live a standard
life
, a person has to be physically healthy. A more important effect of a
public welfare is to Remove the article
apply
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
sport related
Add a hyphen
sport-related
facilities
. Others believe that this
is inadequate, there are other factors which can be helpful to our health
. This
essay discusses both views and explains why sports facilities
affect our physical lives.
Everyone in the world wants to be healthy in their life
. The more important effect of public welfare is to increase the number of sport-related facilities
. For example
, the government should add sports equipment or clubs so that the public will participate which helps people's health
. Moreover
, They can do more exercise and yoga which avoid
physical disease. Correct subject-verb agreement
avoids
For example
, people can bring exercise tools into their homes and share their equipment with others. In addition
, I strongly believe that we should put emphasis on the government to improve folks' physical lives.
Others believe that if we focus on our eating life
, can be beneficial to our health
. However
, we consider that more fruits or vegetables can be harmful in physical life
because sometimes they can bring few
insects or bacteria. Correct article usage
a few
For example
the story of J.K Wolling Correct pronoun usage
apply
who
a single mother, once Correct pronoun usage
apply
Correct pronoun usage
apply
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
brought
a few apples from the market, Correct your spelling
bought
Correct word choice
and when
when
they ate a few months they had cancer. Correct word choice
and when
Furthermore
, we can ask to doctor or specialist who can help in our food nutrition life
.
In conclusion, we should give more attention to our sport related facilities
and improve our physical health
. In addition
, we should tell the government so that they pay attention to them. Moreover
, improve our eating life
as well as
should
avoid junk food that harms our Verb problem
apply
health
.Submitted by hadvaniparth1 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different points and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting ideas more smoothly and coherently. Transitions between paragraphs and sentences should be smooth and show a clear connection between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Continue to include an introduction and conclusion, but make sure they succinctly summarize the discussion and your stance clearly.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. It's important to discuss both views and your own opinion clearly and in detail.
task achievement
Aim for clear and comprehensive presentation of your ideas. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Ensure your examples convincingly back up your points and relate closely to the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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