Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

To live a standard
life
, a person has to be physically healthy. A more important effect of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
public welfare is to
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
sport related
Add a hyphen
sport-related
show examples
facilities
. Others believe that
this
is inadequate, there are other factors which can be helpful to our
health
.
This
essay discusses both views and explains why sports
facilities
affect our physical lives. Everyone in the world wants to be healthy in their
life
. The more important effect of public welfare is to increase the number of sport-related
facilities
.
For example
, the government should add sports equipment or clubs so that the public will participate which helps people's
health
.
Moreover
, They can do more exercise and yoga which
avoid
Correct subject-verb agreement
avoids
show examples
physical disease.
For example
, people can bring exercise tools into their homes and share their equipment with others.
In addition
, I strongly believe that we should put emphasis on the government to improve folks' physical lives. Others believe that if we focus on our eating
life
, can be beneficial to our
health
.
However
, we consider that more fruits or vegetables can be harmful in physical
life
because sometimes they can bring
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
insects or bacteria.
For example
the story of J.K Wolling
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a single mother, once
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brought
Correct your spelling
bought
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a few apples from the market,
Correct word choice
and when
show examples
when
Correct word choice
and when
show examples
they ate a few months they had cancer.
Furthermore
, we can ask to doctor or specialist who can help in our food nutrition
life
. In conclusion, we should give more attention to our sport related
facilities
and improve our physical
health
.
In addition
, we should tell the government so that they pay attention to them.
Moreover
, improve our eating
life
as well as
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
avoid junk food that harms our
health
.
Submitted by hadvaniparth1 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different points and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting ideas more smoothly and coherently. Transitions between paragraphs and sentences should be smooth and show a clear connection between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Continue to include an introduction and conclusion, but make sure they succinctly summarize the discussion and your stance clearly.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. It's important to discuss both views and your own opinion clearly and in detail.
task achievement
Aim for clear and comprehensive presentation of your ideas. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Ensure your examples convincingly back up your points and relate closely to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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