IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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To live a standard
life
Use synonyms
, a person has to be physically healthy. A more important effect of
a
Remove the article
apply
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public welfare is to
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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sport related
Add a hyphen
sport-related
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facilities
Use synonyms
. Others believe that
this
Linking Words
 is inadequate, there are other factors which can be helpful to our
health
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses both views and explains why sports
facilities
Use synonyms
 affect our physical lives. Everyone in the world wants to be healthy in their
life
Use synonyms
. The more important effect of public welfare is to increase the number of sport-related
facilities
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.
For example
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, the government should add sports equipment or clubs so that the public will participate which helps people's
health
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, They can do more exercise and yoga which
avoid
Correct subject-verb agreement
avoids
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 physical disease.
For example
Linking Words
, people can bring exercise tools into their homes and share their equipment with others.
In addition
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, I strongly believe that we should put emphasis on the government to improve folks' physical lives. Others believe that if we focus on our eating
life
Use synonyms
, can be beneficial to our
health
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.
However
Linking Words
, we consider that more fruits or vegetables can be harmful in physical
life
Use synonyms
 because sometimes they can bring
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 insects or bacteria.
For example
Linking Words
 the story of J.K Wolling
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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a single mother, once
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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brought
Correct your spelling
bought
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 a few apples from the market,
Correct word choice
and when
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when
Correct word choice
and when
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 they ate a few months they had cancer.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we can ask to doctor or specialist who can help in our food nutrition
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, we should give more attention to our sport related
facilities
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 and improve our physical
health
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, we should tell the government so that they pay attention to them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, improve our eating
life
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as well as
Linking Words
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
avoid junk food that harms our
health
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different points and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting ideas more smoothly and coherently. Transitions between paragraphs and sentences should be smooth and show a clear connection between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Continue to include an introduction and conclusion, but make sure they succinctly summarize the discussion and your stance clearly.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. It's important to discuss both views and your own opinion clearly and in detail.
task achievement
Aim for clear and comprehensive presentation of your ideas. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Ensure your examples convincingly back up your points and relate closely to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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