In many countries students are engaged in some sort of paid work . Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. What is your opinion?

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It is generally accepted that internships have become more popular at present time among the young teen generation. There are some companies that provide a salary for students.
In contrast
, some places are not because they think both of them get different sides of advantage.
This
essay will demonstrate why intern kids should get paid throughout the following paragraphs. the On the one hand, the first initial reason why the company should offer the payment.
This
is because everything has costs,
such
as transportation, devices, and creativity.
For instance
, the employees have to take public transport to the workplace because it is quite far from their apartment,
this
is one of the first significant costs.
Moreover
,
while
working they have to use their own device to do a lot of research on social platforms to catch up the real-time information with the customers, which means they
also
need the maintenance cost for their devices.
Furthermore
, to support the first jobber kids, offering them a payment as a reward to increase their motivation.
On the other hand
, some people think that they should not give them any money because they already provided them with a priceless experience and a good profile. They might lack of motivation to carry out their own duty because they are concerned about how to manage their expenditures.
According to
less motivation,
this
situation might have a huge effect on the quality of work because they are not happy to do each task under pressure. In conclusion, there are many benefits from giving money, because both the employers and employees will be happier from earning money with a good profile and better quality of jobs.
This
is true to call a "win-win situation".
Submitted by piasnatcha09 on

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task achievement
Ensure to introduce the topic effectively by presenting both views before stating your opinion. Your introduction could be improved by clearly articulating the debate surrounding paid internships and indicating your stance.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a more structured approach in developing paragraphs. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanations and examples. This will enhance the logical flow and organization of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly. While you've attempted to link arguments, more sophisticated connectors could improve the overall cohesion.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your main points. While you provide some scenarios, additional detailed examples or evidence would make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Revise for grammatical accuracy and vary your sentence structure. Considerable errors and repetitive sentence formats can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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