Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is thought by a selection of individuals that the younger generation these days causes more social problems as their
parents
mostly spend their time on
working and do not stay with their offspring. From my perspective, I strongly agree with Change preposition
apply
this
notion and my supporting reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion.
At the outset, there are numerous reasons that affect children's behaviours and one
of the most significant is that they have no one
to keep them in line. To elaborate further
, minors will go out and make new friends without considering how bad and horrible they are. Moreover
, young adolescents do not grasp and understand what is right or wrong; as well as
aftermaths
of their actions. An apt illustration is that my aunt always goes out to work Correct article usage
the aftermaths
which
in turn his son has to stay at home alone; Correct word choice
and
therefore
, the boy decided to go out and associated with gangsters around his home because he felt lonely and blue. In addition
, what I heard from my aunt was his child was arrested as he committed a petty crime by stealing snacks from the local shops, caught red-handed by the owners.
Additionally
, another clear reason to argue my idea is children lack warmth. To explain in greater detail, they need to find someone that they can put their faith on
and give them a sense of reliability. Correct your spelling
in
Furthermore
, youths want to be accepted and hence
they will do anything in order to gain attention and make their parents
look back to them. To specifically demonstrate, after my aunt brought his child back to the house, he asked the boy for reasons and the answer from the younger one
was that he felt that he just only looking for someone who he could trust and depend on; besides
, the child decided to commit a crime because he wanted his parents
to see that he feed himself even both father and mother ignored him.
All in all, it is undeniable that social problems among young citizens arise because parents
neglect their offspring and focus only on working. From my viewpoint, I agree with this
matter as children have not had no one
to guide them into
the proper directions and take care of them with warm-hearted.Change preposition
in
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, make sure to maintain consistency; minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'his' instead of 'her' in the context of your aunt, can be distracting.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear, but there are moments when the flow could be smoother. Linking words and phrases can be used more effectively to connect your points.
task achievement
While your examples generally support your main points well, try to ensure every example is directly relevant and consistently helpful in reinforcing your argument.
task achievement
Some sentences could be more concise. Avoid unnecessarily complicated structures to ensure your ideas come across clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, and your conclusion succinctly wraps it up.
task achievement
You provide detailed and specific examples to illustrate your points, which strengthen your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example