New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages. Give reasons for answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Nowadays, we are living in the modern era where new
technologies
has
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have
show examples
been changing our life day by day. Especially in the way
children
spend their free time. And from my point of view, I believe that
this
situation
bring
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brings
show examples
more harm than good.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that with the exploration of
technology
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technology,
show examples
our life become more and more convenient.
For example
, with the development of some social networking sites
such
as
Facebooke
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Facebook
, Instagram on Twitter we are able
te
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to
show examples
contact and interact with each other easily.
Moreover
, through some
application
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applications
show examples
for study,
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
can study online at home
instead
of going to school, and increase their study productivity.
However
, new
technologies
still have bright
site
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sites
show examples
and dark
site
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sites
show examples
, especially in the way
children
spend their free time.Because
children
are not mature
to
Rephrase
enough to
show examples
have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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self-control and know the way to use these
technologies
correctly.
Secondly
, many
children
now
have
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apply
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tend to stay at home and
be
Verb problem
become
show examples
addicted to
technologies
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technology
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instead
of participating
some
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in some
show examples
outdoor activities.
As a result
,
this
situation
had
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apply
show examples
brought
to
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apply
show examples
children
some troubles
about
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with
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physical and mental health.
For example
, without
the
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apply
show examples
exercise
children
become more and more vulnerable and get diseases easily.
Moreover
, with
technologies
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technology
show examples
,students
have
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apply
show examples
tend to depend on it.
For instance
, they use
google
Capitalize word
Google
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or some artificial intelligence application to find out the answer
instead
of
work
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working
show examples
by
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
, and
lead
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leads
show examples
to bad
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
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studying. In conclusion, new
technologies
have both advantages and disadvantages.
However
, for
children
who are not mature
enough
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enough,
show examples
I believe it brings more harm than good.
Therefore
, it is necessary for parents and schools to take part in teaching and monitoring students
as well as
children
to teach them how to use it effectively and take advantage of it.
Submitted by ntl250605 on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should provide an overview of the topic and your position. Each body paragraph should focus on one main idea, supported with examples or explanations. The conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your position.
cohesion
Work on your essay's coherence by using linking words and phrases effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs. This will help your essay flow more smoothly and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task response
When presenting your argument, be sure to address the task directly. This means explicitly discussing the advantages and disadvantages as asked in the prompt. Additionally, ensure your position (whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa) is clear throughout the essay, not just at the end.
examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. While you mentioned technology's impact on physical and mental health, providing more detailed examples or statistics can strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to ensure your ideas are communicated clearly. For instance, correct the spelling of 'Facebook' and 'Instagram', and make sure you are using the correct verb tenses and plural forms of words.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • new technologies
  • children
  • free time
  • access
  • educational resources
  • information
  • development
  • key skills
  • enhancing
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • opportunity
  • connect
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • lack
  • physical activity
  • potential
  • health issues
  • impact
  • social
  • emotional development
  • exposure
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • dependency
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