Some people think that newcomer should follow the rules of the new country while others believe they should keep their own customs.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #newcomer #rules #country #customs

Whether or not the newcomers should keep their own

customs

or follow the

customs

of the new

country

is a source of controversy in today’s society.

This

essay aims to shed light on both types of

view

Fix the agreement mistake

views

show examples

and reveals my viewpoint toward

this

debate. On the

Correct your spelling

one

show examples

hand, those who agree that people should follow the new

country

’s

traditions

have their own respective opinions. By following the rules of the host

country

, individuals can easily eliminate some detrimental effects of culture shock. First and foremost, going after the rules or

traditions

everyone can find his or her place in society which can pave the way for getting rid of disorientation and a feeling of solidarity.

Secondly

, it may be profitable for

travelers

Change the spelling

travellers

show examples

to create a vivid outlook and gain knowledge about different nations and

traditions

For instance

, there are abundant

traditions

each of which has divergent rites and ceremonies

that

Change the verb form

are

show examples

very helpful for cultivating open-mindedness.

On the other hand

, I like many others, keep the view that it is important to keep their own

customs

as much as possible. People all over the world have their self-identity and

traditions

rooted in ancestral heritages. Pursuing their own

customs

is necessary to remember and breathe life into their conventions.

Furthermore

, it is very crucial to represent your

country

and its rituals in different

part

Fix the agreement mistake

parts

show examples

of the world

for making

Change preposition

to make

show examples

it well-known and respectful among diverse nations. All in all,

although

chasing the

traditions

the

Correct article usage

show examples

new

country

can be considered beneficial against culture shock, I tend to believe that it is worth keeping your own

customs

due to

self-identity.

Submitted by bhoswriting on Wed Mar 27 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a clear discussion of both views and your opinion, showing a good understanding of the task. However, to improve task achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task, including discussing both views in equal measure and providing a more explicit statement of your opinion.

coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, aim to structure your essay more logically. This includes a clearer introduction with a thesis statement, distinct paragraphs with topic sentences for each view, and a more impactful conclusion that restates your opinion and summarizes the main points.

task achievement

While you provided examples to support your points, try to include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments further. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, making your essay more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

Remember to review and edit your essay for any grammatical errors, and focus on using a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to convey your points more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that newcomer should follow the rules of the new country while others believe they should keep their own customs.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

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Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The difference in the age between parents and their children has increased compared to the past. Do you think advantages of this trend far outweigh its disadvantages?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on earth. do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.