Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while other think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Nowadays, many individuals believe that the successful in life should be achieved through hard work and determination,
whereas
some others say that the important reason comes from being rich and good-looking.
This
writer agrees with the point of energy view and will present both views in the following essay. First of all , a part of people want to develop themselves and will be successful because of hard work and courage .
Therefore
,
while
good looks or money alone cannot help a person succeed, in many
fields
hard effort or conviction is not sufficient either. When you industry hard with decisions, your chances of success increase exponentially.
For instance
, a scientist or a technologist does not have to be handsome or beautiful to succeed but by the
emphasis
Add a comma
emphasis,
show examples
they
also
succeed in life.
Look
Wrong verb form
Looking
show examples
at another viewpoint , there are certain other
fields
where good looks or wealth can help a person succeed. In show business,
for example
, attractive looks play a huge role. Good looks are extremely important for someone who wants to be an actor or television show host. Money can
also
help one achieve achievement. Rich kids often get to study in Ivy colleges even if they are not particularly brilliant. The connections they make there help them achieve greater success in future.
In addition
, they have capital to invest so achievement comes to them more easily. In conclusion, in some
fields
, hard work and conviction are enough to achieve benefit.
However
, there are certain other
fields
where looks matter more. That said, good looks or money alone will not suffice. Attractive and rich people
also
have to try
although
they have it a whole lot easier.
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structure
Ensure a clear structure by having distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. A more explicit thesis statement could enhance clarity.
evidence
Support your main points with specific examples to strengthen your argument. While you mentioned examples, incorporating more detailed instances can provide stronger evidence for your claims.
style
Work on varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of your essay. This will also make your essay more engaging to the reader.
grammar
Check for minor grammatical errors and typos to maintain the professionalism of your writing. This will also help to ensure your ideas are communicated clearly.
balance
Try to balance the discussion by giving equal consideration and development to both views before expressing your own opinion, which can make your argument more compelling.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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