somepeople thnkthat success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others thinks that ther are more important factors such as money and appearance. dicuss both view
in
this
ambitious world, money is trending. Indeed, people are being evaluated based on their wealth. Some believe that working hard in life will eventually make you successful, while
others , on the contrary
, believe that it is ; about being wealthy and having good looks. While
both views are logical, in my opinion, hard work is the key to becoming powerful. In the Correct your spelling
upcoming forthcoming
upcomingforthcoming
paragraphs, Correct your spelling
upcoming
this
essay will elaborate more on both views by exemplifying lucid examples
working hard with a lot of ambition will eventually be the reason for reaching your goals. But this
needs lots of patience. For example
, students usually finish university willing to start working. There are those who work hard to reach their goals rather than give up. Moreover
, we often listen to successful businessmen, how they started their careers which they do not admire, but ended up being so wealthy and relating this
to their dedication and a lot of determination until they reach
their passion
Wrong verb form
reached
Furthermore
, there are some who believe money is everything in a lie, it could make you famous and well-known. In addition
to being wealthy being good-looking also
leads you to the same. Although
it it
is somehow correct, in point of view there is much less chance of Remove the redundancy
apply
this
. In view of this
, we rarely see a wealthy human who reaches their goal without being dedicated or whereas
without working brutally before reaching this
. Besides
, being affluent without working will eventually lead to failure. Take an example, a businessmen
will never succeed only being rich.
Correct the article-noun agreement
businessmen
a businessman
To sum up
, everything mentioned and both views are all keys to reaching what you want. But in my opinion, it is all about passion and dedication rather than being goog-looking without working hard to succeedSubmitted by [email protected] on
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coherence cohesion
Focus on adopting a clear structure which includes an introduction, at least two body paragraphs each addressing a separate view, followed by a conclusion. This will help in enhancing the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on presenting your main ideas more clearly by dividing them clearly between paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the idea you will discuss.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific, detailed examples. The examples should clearly demonstrate the point you're making and be relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to ensure your argument is presented as clearly and professionally as possible. Misplaced or missing punctuation, and spelling errors can detract from the clarity and impact of your writing.
task achievement
Address the question fully by discussing both views presented in the prompt and by making your position clear. Make sure to conclude with your own opinion, summarizing the points made throughout the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?