IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Additional police enforcement is the most effective alternative to reduce the number of car accidents. Do you agree or disagree?

#police #enforcement #alternative #car #accidents
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In contemporary times, one school of thought holds that strengthening the
polices'
Change noun form
police's
show examples
 human resources is the best way to decrease the rate of vehicle accidents.
While
Linking Words
 I accept that perception is somewhat justified, I believe that there are other factors that might result in logical opposition. On the one hand, it is understandable why the rise of the
polices
Correct subject-verb agreement
police
show examples
' forces could significantly tackle serious transport issues. First and foremost, it could lower the number of reckless drivers. To be more specific, an increasingly frequent patrol means
that
Correct word choice
apply
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fewer dangerous driving actions
such
Linking Words
 as speeding, drunk driving, and not wearing seat belts,
as well as
Linking Words
 improving drivers' awareness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, police officers could protect commuters against potential risks.
This
Linking Words
 is because they could check and make reports about the quality of
traffic
Use synonyms
 infrastructure
such
Linking Words
 as highways, bridges, or
traffic
Use synonyms
 lights, which could help authorities adopt a plan to maintain or replace if necessary.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are a host of compelling reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
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why I am convinced that the addition of the
polices
Correct subject-verb agreement
police
show examples
'
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
show examples
 could be disadvantageous to a certain extent. One rationale is that it could negatively affect particular residents. In fact, the enormous cost incurred by
this
Linking Words
 change would put a strain on government coffers, thereby leading to budget deficits, tax hikes, or reduced social welfare.
As a result
Linking Words
, ordinary citizens, especially the underprivileged, would struggle even more to make ends meet. Another justification is that the efficiency of other safety methods should be taken into account.
For example
Linking Words
, by using speed cameras, the governing bodies could observe and track the
traffic
Use synonyms
 conditions
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
larger
Add an article
a larger
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 scale with fewer employees, which could provide more budget for other safety features
such
Linking Words
 as crosswalks, sidewalks, and road signs. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is irrefutable that extending the number of
traffic
Use synonyms
 officers might have some merits, I would contend that national authorities should consider
this
Linking Words
 opinion carefully because of its profound consequences as other capable measures.
Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear, direct thesis statement early in the essay to establish your stance. This will make your argument more straightforward and compelling.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking devices to connect ideas more smoothly and enhance the flow of your essay. This will also help in making the essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more specific details or statistics. This will strengthen your argument and make your examples more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic regulations
  • deterrent
  • dangerous driving behaviors
  • disproportionately
  • financial burden
  • public education campaigns
  • infrastructural improvements
  • technology interventions
  • multifaceted approach
  • accountability mechanisms
  • abuses of power
  • erosion of public trust
  • road safety
  • strict enforcement
  • drunk driving
  • speeding
  • wearing seat belts
  • comprehensive solution
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