Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give yours opinion

In that present time, some believe that
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
to
work
with determination is giving a success in life,
whereas
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
side say that finance and look are more vital bases than hard
work
.
This
writer agrees that
peope
Correct your spelling
people
who are hard-working to
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
successful
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
more important factors than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. It must be recognized that some
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
should be diligent to
gain
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
achievement.
This
is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they cannot get their jobs or make
money
for their life without their ability and assiduous.
As a result
,
of
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
humans
following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
their
ambition
Fix the agreement mistake
ambitions
show examples
and improve them
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travail, they can be successful in many walks of life and
importanltly
Correct your spelling
importantly
be happy. If they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
try hard today
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how can they know about where they are standing and what they can do? It
lead
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
to when they are hard-working, they can see what can they do and their ambition.
Therefore
, it is easy to understand why human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
should be
industriousness
Replace the word
industrious
show examples
to easy for
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success.
However
, some said that
money
and
look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
show examples
are more crucial bases than hard
work
and that enough for
prosperity
Add an article
the prosperity
show examples
of their
work
.
This
belief is based on
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
get
Correct your spelling
becoming
show examples
succesffuly
Correct your spelling
successfully
successful
by the simple
thang
Correct your spelling
thing
show examples
just
Rephrase
of being
show examples
beautiful or
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
a lot of
money
and they think that determination that not necessary in successful.
For
this
reason, they
also
based
Wrong verb form
base
show examples
on their
money
or sometimes it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
their own
instead
of
parent's
Correct pronoun usage
their parent's
show examples
money
.
This
pint
Correct your spelling
point
show examples
may be true,
although
people who
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
a lot of
money
or have a beautiful appearance,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
must try to get an achievement not just depend on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beauty or
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money
.
Thus
writers
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
must depend on theirself by their ambition. Becoming
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
and not
beinf
Correct your spelling
being
over reliant
Add a hyphen
over-reliant
show examples
on
money
or beauty
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need to be
consideres
Correct your spelling
considered
.
Hence
it should have been shown that people should be confident of their ability and enhance them by industriousness.
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coherence cohesion
Aim to have a clearer structure in your essay by using paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea that supports your argument or presents a viewpoint. This will enhance the logical flow and make your essay more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of linking phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Words like 'Furthermore', 'Consequently', and 'However' can help to guide the reader through your argument and make your points clearer.
task achievement
Respond more directly to the essay prompt by specifically discussing both views mentioned before stating your own opinion. Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the essay structure and introduces the topic properly.
task achievement
Incorporate more detailed, specific examples to support your points. These examples should be relevant and carefully chosen to illustrate your argument or viewpoint. This will help in achieving a more complete response and make your ideas more persuasive.
task achievement
Focus on refining your English expression by checking grammar, vocabulary, and punctuation. Avoid overly complicated sentences that may confuse the reader. Instead, strive for clarity and precision in your language.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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