Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give yours opinion
In that present time, some believe that
try
to Wrong verb form
trying
work
with determination is giving a success in life, whereas
in
the Change preposition
on
others
side say that finance and look are more vital bases than hard Correct quantifier usage
other
work
. This
writer agrees that peope
who are hard-working to Correct your spelling
people
get
successful Verb problem
be
is
more important factors than Correct subject-verb agreement
are
the
othersCorrect article usage
apply
one
.
It must be recognized that some Correct pronoun usage
apply
peoples
should be diligent to Fix the agreement mistake
people
gain
Verb problem
achieve
the
achievement. Correct article usage
apply
This
is because,
they cannot get their jobs or make Remove the comma
apply
money
for their life without their ability and assiduous. As a result
, of
humans Correct your spelling
if
following
their Wrong verb form
follow
ambition
and improve them Fix the agreement mistake
ambitions
by
Change preposition
through
the
travail, they can be successful in many walks of life and Correct article usage
apply
importanltly
be happy. If they Correct your spelling
importantly
not
try hard today Change the verb form
do not
did not
so
how can they know about where they are standing and what they can do? It Correct word choice
apply
lead
to when they are hard-working, they can see what can they do and their ambition. Wrong verb form
leads
Therefore
, it is easy to understand why human being
should be Fix the agreement mistake
beings
industriousness
to easy for Replace the word
industrious
getting
Verb problem
apply
a
success.
Correct article usage
apply
However
, some said that money
and look
are more crucial bases than hard Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
work
and that enough for prosperity
of their Add an article
the prosperity
work
. This
belief is based on human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
get
Correct your spelling
becoming
succesffuly
by the simple Correct your spelling
successfully
successful
thang
Correct your spelling
thing
just
beautiful or Rephrase
of being
have
a lot of Wrong verb form
having
money
and they think that determination that not necessary in successful. For
this
reason, they also
based
on their Wrong verb form
base
money
or sometimes it not
their own Add a missing verb
is not
instead
of parent's
Correct pronoun usage
their parent's
money
. This
pint
may be true, Correct your spelling
point
although
people who got
a lot of Verb problem
have
money
or have a beautiful appearance, they
must try to get an achievement not just depend on Correct pronoun usage
apply
a
beauty or Correct article usage
apply
an
Remove the article
apply
money
.
Thus
writers believes
that Change the verb form
believe
human
must depend on theirself by their ambition. Becoming Fix the agreement mistake
humans
sucessful
and not Correct your spelling
successful
beinf
Correct your spelling
being
over reliant
on Add a hyphen
over-reliant
money
or beauty that
need to be Correct pronoun usage
apply
consideres
. Correct your spelling
considered
Hence
it should have been shown that people should be confident of their ability and enhance them by industriousness.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Aim to have a clearer structure in your essay by using paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea that supports your argument or presents a viewpoint. This will enhance the logical flow and make your essay more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of linking phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Words like 'Furthermore', 'Consequently', and 'However' can help to guide the reader through your argument and make your points clearer.
task achievement
Respond more directly to the essay prompt by specifically discussing both views mentioned before stating your own opinion. Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the essay structure and introduces the topic properly.
task achievement
Incorporate more detailed, specific examples to support your points. These examples should be relevant and carefully chosen to illustrate your argument or viewpoint. This will help in achieving a more complete response and make your ideas more persuasive.
task achievement
Focus on refining your English expression by checking grammar, vocabulary, and punctuation. Avoid overly complicated sentences that may confuse the reader. Instead, strive for clarity and precision in your language.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example