IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

What are advantages and disadvantage of use social networking? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience

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Today, the number of
people
 using social networking
such
 as Instagram, Line, and Facebook is increasing as technologies develop. There are some
people
 in favour of using SNS,
while
 some
people
 assert it has lots of disadvantages. I believe that the advantages of using SNS outweigh the advantages. In the essay, I will explain some reasons why I think that.
Although
 there are some problems related to criminals,
such
 as stalking and cyberbullies,
people
 can share memorable moments with others and shop and watch the celebrities who they like through SNS.
Thus
,
people
 can enjoy their sociable lives on the Internet. Aside from that,
people
 can earn money.
People
 take videos and upload them using a variety of social networking apps. Social networking could be a suitable means to express themselves. In conclusion, I believe that social networking would have
a good effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good effect
good effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
.
Submitted by heoeunsae on

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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a brief overview of the advantages and disadvantages of social networking sites (SNS), but there's a considerable room for improvement in several areas. Starting with task achievement, make sure to address the task more completely by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in detail. You mentioned cyberbullying and the potential for income but didn't explore these points sufficiently or balance them with a detailed discussion of disadvantages.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each devoted to a specific point. Your introduction could more precisely outline the points you will discuss. Each body paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the point of that paragraph, followed by examples or further explanation. A concluding sentence can also help make each paragraph cohesively tied to your main argument. Additionally, linking words such as 'However,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In addition' can help create a smoother flow between your ideas.
Task Achievement
Work on developing your main points more thoroughly by including more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, when mentioning the potential for income through SNS, provide specific examples of how individuals or companies achieve this. Similarly, when discussing disadvantages, such as stalking or cyberbullying, offer examples or statistics to illustrate the extent of these issues. This will make your arguments more convincing and relevant to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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