IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The world is consuming natural resources faster than they can be renewed. Therefore, it is important that products are made to last. Governments should discourage people from constantly buying more up to date or fashionable products. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Over the
last
Linking Words
 30 years the West has witnessed the East strive for a larger ‘piece of the economic pie’, aiming for similar living standards t
o
Suggestion
in
the EU and US.
This
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 has increased pressure on natural resources and prompted suggestions for governments to limit consumption.
This
Linking Words
 idea is severely flawed because it reduces product
safety
Use synonyms
 and ‘building products to
last
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 would harm the poor.
Firstly
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, the suggestion that governments should discourage consumers from purchasing ‘up to date products’ would eliminate the opportunity to improve their
safety
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is because as technology improves, new discoveries can be used to increase their utility. Take
for example
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 the car industry, h
ere
advanced in complexity or elaboration
higher
technology
such
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 as ABS brakes, air-bags, seat belts have all been derived from a constant flow of improvements.
T
Linking Words
herefore if
Accept comma addition
Therefore, if
the authorities were permitted to limit purchases, car companies would be reluctant to invest in new features, and
safety
Use synonyms
 would never improve.
Secondly
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, it is t
rue we
Accept comma addition
true, we
are consuming more, through ever increasing populations,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, the argument that ‘products should be made to
last
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’ is redundant. If products were built stronger they would be more expensive.
This
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 would harm the less wealthy consumer,
furthermore
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 with modern t
echnology these
Accept comma addition
technology, these
products can often be recycled at a later date anyway. Glass, plastic, paper, batteries, and even mobile phones are now collected to be re-purposed, reused and recycled.
Therefore
Linking Words
 durable products are unnecessary and would harm lower income demographics. To c
onclude it
Accept comma addition
conclude, it
is clear that if the public sector were allowed to discourage c
onsumption it
Accept comma addition
consumption, it
would harm product improvements and ultimately consumer
safety
Use synonyms
. Meddling with product durability would most likely harm the poor.
T
Linking Words
herefore I
Accept comma addition
Therefore, I
am strongly opposed to both of these notions.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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