IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows how rain water is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town.

The diagram below shows how rain water is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town.
#rain #water #australian #town
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The provided process diagram explains the different stages of purifying rainwater in order to make it suitable for drinking in an Australian city.
water
Use synonyms
 in order to make it suitable for drinking in an Australian city.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the diagram that the process of filtering
water
Use synonyms
 consists of approximately seven steps. It begins with raining and ends with using the rainwater as drinking
water
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,after the rain, the
water
Use synonyms
 goes through tubes under the floors to the drain, where it is collected. In the second stage, start filtering the
water
Use synonyms
 by using a filter that helps to purify the
water
Use synonyms
 from any impurities. Afterwards, the
water
Use synonyms
 was stored in a storage tank and transferred to another tank for treatment by adding some chemicals, which are essential to keeping the
water
Use synonyms
 sterile and preventing contamination with bacteria.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 is returned through the tubes to the houses to be safe and suitable for drinking and use for other purposes,
such
Linking Words
 as cooking.
Submitted by jumanh114 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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