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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is undeniable that the significance of taking risks in both professional and personal aspects of life is a controversial topic. There are those who argue that the benefits of risk-taking outweigh the drawbacks for several reasons.
This
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 essay will examine how the argument for outweighs against throughout the following paragraphs. On the one hand, there are some advantages to taking on some risky situations. First and foremost, personal experience can be grown effectively,which leads to stepping out of their own boundaries and thinking outside the box. Most
people
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 have been developing themselves,
such
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 as by increasing their confidence, learning new practical skills, and others. So, these benefits enable
people
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 to be better versions of themselves,resulting in fearlessness.
Secondly
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, it is well known that getting a higher position is caused by
people
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's challenges, whether in entrepreneurship skills or being an employee.
Moreover
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, most
people
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 need to dare to invest in terms of business interests.
Due to
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 the fact that every investment always has a variety of chances, even good or bad results, it is driven to be achievable in various ways.
On the other hand
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, the drawbacks of risky tasks in professional jobs lead to numerous failures. First of all, many companies often go bankrupt without any carefulness of their investments.
Then
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,
this
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 action will impact the economic crisis.
As a result
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, the readiness of
this
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 might affect both employers and employees as much as possible,
such
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 as financial loss, lack of customers, and others.
Next,
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personal lives represent the comfortable zone of individuals. Despite trying some risk of being creative, it could bring high pressures and high expectations. In conclusion, taking risks plays potential roles in
people
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's lives in occupations and personalities. Personally, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages
,
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apply
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 because these risks could encourage
people
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 to be more successful in their lives.

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Improvement Suggestions

3
task response

Provide a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to directly answer the question. While your stance is implied, explicitly stating whether you believe the advantages do or do not outweigh the disadvantages would make your argument stronger.

coherence and cohesion

Increase the variety of linking devices you use to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. While your essay is structurally sound, using a wider range of cohesive devices can enhance readability and coherence.

task achievement

Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. While you've provided general advantages and disadvantages, adding real-life examples or hypothetical scenarios can make your arguments more compelling and relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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