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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people feel that we should protect all wild animals. Other people think that only some wild animals should be protected. Discuss both points of view and give your opinon.

#people #animals #points #opinon
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Protecting wild animals is a debated topic, with some advocating for the preservation of all
species
while
 others suggest a more selective approach. I believe a balanced strategy is necessary
with protecting
Change preposition
to protect
show examples
 a few of them. Those in favor of saving all animals argue that each
species
 contributes to the
ecosystems's
Fix the agreement mistake
ecosystem's
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 health.
For example
, predators are essential for
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
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herbivore
Fix the agreement mistake
herbivores
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instead
Correct word choice
and instead
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 become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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pest
Fix the agreement mistake
pests
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. By limiting the number of the population, it can save the other
species
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 plants. By preserving all
species
, we ensure the stability and resilience of ecosystems, which benefits humans and wildlife.
On the other hand
, advocates for a more selective approach focus on endangered
species
 or those crucial to the ecosystem's balance.
For instance
, efforts to protect the black rhinoceros have focused on combating poaching and habitat loss, as
this
species
 is critically endangered. By concentrating resources on
species
 facing the greatest threat, we can make a significant difference in their survival prospects and prevent their extinction. In conclusion,
while
 both approaches have their merits, I believe that focusing on protecting endangered
species
 and those crucial to ecosystem balance is more practical and effective. By prioritizing these
species
, we can allocate resources more efficiently and have a greater impact on conservation efforts.
Submitted by Qia on

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic, as well as a brief overview of the points you will discuss. This sets a solid foundation for your essay.
Coherence
To improve coherence, use a wider range of transitional phrases to link your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs.
Supporting Points
Develop your main points by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will enhance the richness of your essay and make your arguments more compelling.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, restate your opinion more distinctly, ensuring it reflects the discussion in your essay. This helps reinforce your stance to the reader.
Language Use
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your language proficiency.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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