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Band 6.5

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

#people #effects #epidemic
Nowadays the majority of
people
 suffer from being overweight, and
this
 situation has some reasons,
also
 effects. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the main reason behind obesity and propose some possible suggestions that can be helped. First of all, technology has improved day by day, and it can provide individuals with various services which make their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 easier.
For example
, they can buy their needs from online shopping sites,
therefore
 they should not go anywhere,
also
 they do not do exercise, which leads to an increase in their cholesterol level and blood pressure.
Furthermore
, today, in the contemporary world, we face different pandemics
such
 as COVID-19, and
people
 should stay at home, they cannot go out. They become lazy persons by working from their homes, which leads them to be overweight. Being overweight has some effects on
people
’s life. One of them is health problems. To be more specific, if they do not exercise enough, they cannot manage their health conditions, and their cholesterol level and blood pressure can increase which can be a reason for important diseases in the future. At the same time,
this
 situation can decrease their productivity in their work. They cannot do some tasks because of their weight. In conclusion, improving technology creates lazy
people
 in the contemporary world. Its reasons can be different, but
this
 trend results in being overweight, and it can change our modern life directly. The majority of overweight
people
 deal with some health issues,
also
 it can decline productivity of their work.
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task achievement
Introduction could be more concise and clear. Define directly the causes and effects of being overweight instead of stating that you will discuss them. This will enhance the clarity of your essay right from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
In the body paragraphs, try to introduce one main idea per paragraph and use clear topic sentences. This will help in achieving better coherence in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and ensure there is a good balance between simple and complex sentences to improve readability and cohesion.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples or data. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Conclude your essay with a summary of your argument or a restatement of your position. It strengthens the coherence and the task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Consider using paragraphs to separate different ideas clearly. This will help in making the essay more organized and easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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