many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access for software Do the advantage of this outweigh the disadvanages?

Nowadays several
people
provide personal
information
to technology websites and applications to obtain
access
. Some
people
believe that
this
trend has several disadvantages,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
argue that it is not harmful. I totally agree with the latter argument as ample reasons
present
Add a missing verb
are present
show examples
to substantiate it.
This
essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
delve into both viewpoints and explain my support with relevant illustrations. First and foremost, the
people
who
against
Add a missing verb
are against
show examples
to provide
Change the verb form
providing
show examples
personal
information
to online platforms claim that
data
may
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
for
non stated
Add a hyphen
non-stated
show examples
purposes and fraud activities.
In other words
, personal
data
can be used
to scam
Change preposition
for scams
show examples
such
as hacking online bank accounts. To illustrate, one famous online platform's
customer's
Change noun form
customer
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
available
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the dark web.
Besides
, many business establishments are using client's private
data
for business development. Many companies are using collected personal
information
without consent for trading
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, there are several advantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
providing personal
information
to online web portals.
Firstly
,
internet based
Add a hyphen
internet-based
show examples
companies provide free
access
to
users
to the exchange of personal
data
,
as a result
, downtrodden
people
get free
access
to
information
.
For example
, YouTube, a free video
streeming
Correct your spelling
streaming
website of
google
Capitalize word
Google
show examples
,
is providing
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
free
access
to all
users
without any fee for the exchange of personal
information
.
Secondly
, by providing personal
information
,
users
will get personalised service. In detail, technology companies require personal
information
to give many targeted
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
like regional news updates, language settings,
delivering
Correct word choice
and delivering
show examples
personalised advertisements. In conclusion, Personal
data
can be misused for business
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
and fraud activities are the major demerits
providing
Change preposition
of providing
show examples
private
information
to websites for free
access
. Ergo, I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that personal
information
is useful for not only to
be provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
tailored
servies
Correct your spelling
services
to the
users
but
also
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
free service to downtrodden
people
.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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Task Response
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear overview of your stance and the essay structure. Incorporate a thesis statement that directly addresses the essay question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea, and ensure that all sentences within the paragraph are coherently connected to this main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more engaging. This will also demonstrate your language ability to the examiner.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points. While the essay includes some illustrations, adding more detailed and concrete examples can further strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Review and revise for minor grammatical and spelling errors to improve clarity and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal data
  • technology companies
  • user experience
  • tailored advertisements
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misuse of information
  • digital inequality
  • targeted advertising
  • consumer autonomy
  • behavioral data
  • ethical concerns
  • manipulative practices
  • artificial intelligence
  • machine learning algorithms
  • innovative technologies
  • data exchange
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