IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Crimes and other kinds of information on the television and newspaper have bad consequences. This kind of information to be restricted to be shown in media. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#crimes #kinds #information #television #newspaper #consequences #media
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Any country enters the new technologies in their life, automatically old life Will disappear. I agree with
this
 attendance because new technologies mean new methods and these techniques are totally different from the traditional ways. So , in
this
 article, I will discuss these two reasons.
Firstly
, new technologies are used internet and computers.
Moreover
, if we use networks in our jobs it will lead to changes in the
system
 of
states
 to fit these new technologiestechnologies.
In addition
, when we were involved in these new methods, the organs of
states
 would be developed. What is more,
web
Correct article usage
the web
show examples
 completely supports a
system
 of
states
 which leads to these
states
 with developing countries.
On the other hand
, when countries started applying
this
system
, a lot of things would
different
Add a missing verb
be different
show examples
.
For instance
, the number of employees in every company may be reduced, because those mentioned companies will not need these labourers.
Furthermore
, a new
system
 is highly costs but
that is
 a little problem because the new
system
 could develop each institution and that lead to an increase in the percentage of profits
further
 than a lot of other advantages.
To conclude
,
although
 the new
system
 contains lots of negatives in my opinion, the positives outweigh the disadvantages.
This
 new technology is really developing each country and
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
 it with developing countries
in addition
, that
system
 brings huge income to each state or company applied it.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Specific Examples
Consider expanding on specific examples to fully illustrate your points and make your argument more persuasive.
Word Choice
Watch out for repeated words and minor spelling mistakes. Using a variety of vocabulary can enhance your essay.
Transitions
To further enhance clarity, aim for smoother transitions between your ideas, ensuring each paragraph flows logically to the next.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your discussion.
Understanding
You've made a strong case by highlighting the positive impacts of new technologies, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay topic.
Structure
Your essay structure is logical, with distinct paragraphs for each argument, aiding in overall coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Desensitize: To make someone less likely to feel shock or distress at scenes of cruelty or suffering by overexposure to such images.
  • Sensationalism: The use of exciting or shocking stories at the expense of accuracy, to provoke public interest or excitement.
  • Media Ethics: Principles and standards of conduct relating to the role and responsibilities of press and broadcast professionals.
  • Perception: The way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted.
  • Ignorance: Lack of knowledge or information.
  • Balance in Reporting: Presenting both sides of an issue or argument to provide a fair understanding.
  • Preparedness: A state of readiness, especially for unexpected events or emergencies.
  • Social Learning Theory: A theory that suggests people learn from observing others, including the behaviors, attitudes, and outcomes of those behaviors.
  • PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder): A mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: