Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anyre in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays
availability
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the availability
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of products
are
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is
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increasing and more and more
people
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becoming capable of buying the same goods anywhere and
anytine
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anytime
in the world .
People
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believe it is because
countries
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turning
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are becoming
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similar day by day
besides
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big online shops
such
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as Alibaba and Amazon have
big
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a big
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influence on
this
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development .
This
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change has both pros and cons but
i
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I
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think it has more positive improvement than negative for
te
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the
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world. First of all , Our traditional trading structure
has
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apply
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changed
long
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a long
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time ago.
Due to
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technology
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technological
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improvements ,
people
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become able to trade products online . Online shopping is way easier and consumers
could
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can
show examples
buy what they like from sellers .
Transportating
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Transportation
is simple ,
usually
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usually,
show examples
people
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delivered
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deliver
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their products by plane , car and human. In 2010 , Amazon started developing , at first it planned to become
platform
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a platform
the platform
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that
Correct word choice
where
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people
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could chat and share
interest
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interests
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with each other’s
however
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founder of Amazon changed into
shopping
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a shopping
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platform
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in
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which
people
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trade
stuffs
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stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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without meating and it provides
opportunity
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an opportunity
the opportunity
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to
by
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buy
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something from another country . Because of online shopping
people
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started to develop
same
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the same
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interests .
people
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from different
countries
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having similar hobbies
is
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are
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becoming normal and they could become friends easily .
People
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from different
countries
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can share their
culture
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.
On the other hand
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,
Countries
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losing
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thier
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their
cultural heritage because
lot
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a lot
show examples
of
people
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focusing
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on foriegn
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foriegn
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foreign
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culture
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cultures
show examples
insead
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instead
of
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
own . All that availability of buying
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
online destroys local markets and
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
economy
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
more and more weak . In conclusion ,
Invention
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the Invention
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of online shopping
changes
Wrong verb form
has changed
show examples
people
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. More
people
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interst
foriegn
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foreign
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culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
and
countries
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are becoming similar .
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
change
Add a comma
change,
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
local shops can not make profits but building similar
Correct your spelling
interest
interests
interst
Correct your spelling
interests
can help
people
Use synonyms
become friends and share
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
culture
Use synonyms
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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task achievement
Your essay shows a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-rounded view on the positives and negatives of global uniformity in consumer products. To enhance your essay further, consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. For even greater coherence, ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a variety of linking words and phrases.
grammar
While your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring accuracy in spelling, grammar, and punctuation can refine your writing. Minor errors can distract from the message. Consider revising your essay for these aspects to achieve polish and clarity.
task achievement
You’ve skillfully identified and discussed both the positive and negative impacts of countries becoming more similar due to global consumerism, showing critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, providing a clear overview and a consolidated summary of your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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