IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units. What are the causes of this trend and what are the effects on society ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As countries develop, their nations tend to live alone or in small family units.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the improved quality of education and increased cost of living.
However
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend, the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 among young individuals and interactions between neighbours has decreased significantly.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, compared to the past, more
people
Use synonyms
 are entering universities and studying
further
Linking Words
. To be specific, the more
people
Use synonyms
 are educated, the more they choose to pursue their careers rather than being married or having children.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the increased cost of living
also
Linking Words
 plays a key role in forming smaller family units.
For example
Linking Words
, the youth are reluctant to have a child as it costs a fortune to raise a son or a daughter.
However
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 these factors, there are several impacts on society. First of all, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
birth
Use synonyms
 has dramatically declined in recent decades. Notably, in South Korea, the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was 0.03% in 2023 and various experts and press criticized that it was mainly
due to
Linking Words
 the ambition of achievement in professions.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 do not interact with their neighbours anymore.
For instance
Linking Words
, a notable survey conducted by Korea University revealed that about 80% of the city residents answered that they had never talked to their neighbours.
Hence
Linking Words
, communication between modern dwellers has been dramatically decreased.
To conclude
Linking Words
, indeed more and more
people
Use synonyms
 opt for living individually or
small
Change preposition
in small
show examples
 family units as a country experiences development. The major causes of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon are the increased number of well-educated individuals and the cost of living. Because of these factors, society illustrates a decreased
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 and a lack of communication opportunities between residents.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Content Development
To further improve, try expanding on the effects of the trend with more varied examples (for instance, impacts on elderly care) or deeper analysis of the societal impacts. This will enrich your argumentation and present a more thorough understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
For an even stronger essay, consider using a wider range of linking devices to show complex relationships between ideas, such as contrast or cause and effect more explicitly.
Language Accuracy
Be cautious of minor accuracy issues in expressions (e.g., 'raise a son or a daughter' could be 'raise children' to encompass both genders without repeating). Small adjustments in wording can make your argument more polished and concise.
Structure
Clearly structured paragraphs and coherent development of ideas throughout the essay.
Example Usage
Effective use of examples to support your main points, particularly with the reference to South Korea as a case study.
Task Response
The essay directly addresses both parts of the question (causes and effects) with clear, relevant ideas.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • migration
  • limited living space
  • economic independence
  • nuclear families
  • social norms
  • isolation
  • mental health issues
  • real estate market
  • housing shortages
  • social care
  • extended family networks
  • public provision
What to do next:
Look at other essays: