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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The charts give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about United Kingdom
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 and,
students
Use synonyms
 who did part-time
work
Use synonyms
, voluntary,
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 and
unemployment
Use synonyms
 after leaving the university in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, number of postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 was not as much as
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
.
Numbers
Correct article usage
The numbers
show examples
 of
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 and part-time
work
Use synonyms
 were greater than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 2 sections in both charts. Voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 was the least in both charts.
Further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 of
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 was approximately 10 times more than in postgraduate pupils.
According to
Linking Words
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
graduate
Use synonyms
 people who
study
Use synonyms
,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 was nearly 9 times less than
further
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 which was 29665.
Numbers
Correct article usage
The numbers
show examples
 of part-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
unemployment
Use synonyms
 were close to each other.
According to
Linking Words
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
, voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 was approximately 4 times less than
unemployment
Use synonyms
 which was 1625.
Unemployment
Use synonyms
 was nearly 1000 less than part-time
work
Use synonyms
 and
part-time
Add an article
the part-time
show examples
 job was not as much as
Linking Words
further
Add an article
a further
the further
show examples
study
Use synonyms
 which was 2725.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, students, work, study, unemployment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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