IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Should netflix and other online services' contents will be censored. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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There is no doubt that the question of whether
content
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 on platforms like Netflix and other online services should undergo
censorship
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 is a contentious one. The question at hand prompts reflection on whether
such
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censorship
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 is warranted. In
this
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 essay, I will explore my stance on
this
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 matter.
Moreover
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, it's essential to consider the multifaceted implications of
content
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censorship
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.
Firstly
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, proponents of
censorship
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 argue that it is necessary to protect vulnerable audiences,
such
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 as children, from potentially harmful or inappropriate material.
In other words
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,
censorship
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 can serve as a safeguard against exposure to
content
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 that may negatively impact individuals' mental or emotional well-being.
Secondly
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,
censorship
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 can be seen as a means of upholding societal values and norms, ensuring that
content
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 aligns with ethical standards and cultural sensitivities.
This
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 is particularly relevant in diverse societies where different groups may have varying perspectives on what is deemed acceptable.
However
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, it's important to recognize the potential drawbacks of
content
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censorship
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.
Firstly
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,
censorship
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 can infringe upon freedom of expression and artistic freedom, stifling creativity and limiting the diversity of voices and perspectives represented in media.
In other words
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, it can impede the exploration of complex or controversial topics, hindering meaningful discourse and societal progress.
Secondly
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, the subjective nature of
censorship
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 raises concerns about who gets to decide what is deemed appropriate or acceptable for consumption.
This
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 can lead to biases and inconsistencies in
censorship
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 practices, potentially marginalizing certain voices or perspectives. In conclusion,
while
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 there may be valid arguments in favour of
content
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censorship
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, particularly concerning the protection of vulnerable audiences, I ultimately disagree with the notion that Netflix and other online services'
content
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 should be subject to
censorship
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.
Instead
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, I believe that fostering media literacy and providing tools for
content
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 regulation,
such
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 as parental controls, are more effective approaches to empowering individuals to make informed viewing choices
while
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 upholding principles of freedom of expression and artistic integrity.

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, consider adding more specific examples to your arguments. While the essay outlines the general pros and cons of censorship, embodying these with tangible, real-world examples could bolster your points and make your essay more impactful.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, your essay displays good logical structure and a clear progression of ideas. To further improve, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and sentences. This can help in making your argument even more coherent and easier for the reader to follow.
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