Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #mothers #time #government #support

The issue of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

motherhood

has sparked a heated debate among many. Proponents of the idea that

women

should

spent

Change the verb form

spend

show examples

tremendous time raising children claim that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

has

power

Change the article

the power

show examples

to organise financial help. It is widely argued that

motherhood

might be the most important role in

women

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, but

this

notion is not without its critics. I am

firmly

Replace the adverb

firm

show examples

of the belief that every woman should be able

make

Add the particle

to make

show examples

owm

Correct your spelling

own

decision

Fix the agreement mistake

decisions

show examples

such

complex

Correct article usage

a complex

show examples

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

as parenting.

Firstly

, it is undeniable that

due to

sex

Correct article usage

the sex

show examples

revolution and

fight

Correct article usage

the fight

show examples

for

women

's rights by feminists, nowadays

women

can enjoy more freedom and choices in both their careers and personal lives.

This

shift has allowed many to pursue ambitions beyond traditional roles without sacrificing the essence of

motherhood

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

if they choose to embrace it.

Secondly

, the notion that a woman's primary role should revolve exclusively around child-rearing overlooks the multifaceted nature of modern identities.

Women

today adeptly balance professional aspirations with personal commitments, demonstrating that

fulfillment

Change the spelling

fulfilment

show examples

can come from various sources, not limited to parenthood.

Overall

, the conversation around

motherhood

should evolve to respect individual choice and recognize the diverse ways

women

contribute to society. The government's role,

therefore

, should be to support

women

's decisions through policies that offer flexibility and aid, whether they choose to focus on careers,

motherhood

, or a blend of both.

This

approach acknowledges the complex realities of contemporary life.

Submitted by juliashipovskaja on Thu Mar 28 2024

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Writing Coherence

Consider integrating more varied sentence structures to enhance the flow of your writing.

Task Response

While your argument is well-supported, incorporating a wider range of examples and evidence could further strengthen your essay.

Grammar Accuracy

Make sure to thoroughly proofread your essay to catch and correct any minor grammatical errors or typos, which would polish your submission to perfection.

Understanding and Insight

Your essay effectively addressed the topic, demonstrating a clear understanding and insightful reflection on the issue of motherhood and women's roles.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical flow and structure of your essay are commendable. Your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are well-organized, making your argument easy to follow.

Argument Clarity

Your position is consistently clear throughout the essay, and you support your arguments with appropriate reasoning. This shows a strong ability to engage with the topic critically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

231 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Modern technology is now very common in most workplaces. How do you think has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages of relying to much on technology?

Some people argue that it is the responsibility of the police to educate children about good behavior, whereas others believe that parents should be responsible for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?