Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?
The issue of
the
Correct article usage
apply
motherhood
has sparked a heated debate among many. Proponents of the idea that women
should spent
tremendous time raising children claim that Change the verb form
spend
government
has Correct article usage
the government
power
to organise financial help. It is widely argued that Change the article
the power
motherhood
might be the most important role in women
's life
, but Fix the agreement mistake
lives
this
notion is not without its critics. I am firmly
of the belief that every woman should be able Replace the adverb
firm
make
Add the particle
to make
owm
Correct your spelling
own
decision
in Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
such
complex
Correct article usage
a complex
area
as parenting.
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
Firstly
, it is undeniable that due to
sex
revolution and Correct article usage
the sex
fight
for Correct article usage
the fight
women
's rights by feminists, nowadays women
can enjoy more freedom and choices in both their careers and personal lives. This
shift has allowed many to pursue ambitions beyond traditional roles without sacrificing the essence of motherhood
,
if they choose to embrace it.
Remove the comma
apply
Secondly
, the notion that a woman's primary role should revolve exclusively around child-rearing overlooks the multifaceted nature of modern identities. Women
today adeptly balance professional aspirations with personal commitments, demonstrating that fulfillment
can come from various sources, not limited to parenthood.
Change the spelling
fulfilment
Overall
, the conversation around motherhood
should evolve to respect individual choice and recognize the diverse ways women
contribute to society. The government's role, therefore
, should be to support women
's decisions through policies that offer flexibility and aid, whether they choose to focus on careers, motherhood
, or a blend of both. This
approach acknowledges the complex realities of contemporary life.Submitted by juliashipovskaja on
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Writing Coherence
Consider integrating more varied sentence structures to enhance the flow of your writing.
Task Response
While your argument is well-supported, incorporating a wider range of examples and evidence could further strengthen your essay.
Grammar Accuracy
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Understanding and Insight
Your essay effectively addressed the topic, demonstrating a clear understanding and insightful reflection on the issue of motherhood and women's roles.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical flow and structure of your essay are commendable. Your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are well-organized, making your argument easy to follow.
Argument Clarity
Your position is consistently clear throughout the essay, and you support your arguments with appropriate reasoning. This shows a strong ability to engage with the topic critically.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.