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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart gives information about the diet and general health of two groups of students

The chart gives information about the diet and general health of two groups of students
The pie charts illustrate the diet system of people in different categories,
while
Linking Words
 the table shows the
date
Correct your spelling
data
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 on their health.
Overall
Linking Words
, food which contains a lot of fat ranks first in both groups.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, individuals in
group
Use synonyms
 A
attends
Correct subject-verb agreement
attend
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 regularly compared to
other
Change the wording
another group
other groups
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group
Use synonyms
. In terms of previous diseases and obesity,
group
Use synonyms
 B accounts for higher percentages. Looking into details, people who are in
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 A and B predominantly consume unhealthy foods with
a
Remove the article
apply
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high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
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 content, with
a
Remove the article
apply
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half and 30%, respectively, which is followed by cereals standing at 35% in both categories. Almost a fifth of
group
Use synonyms
 A eat vegetables
on
Change preposition
in
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 their diet,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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this
Linking Words
 indicator is just 5% among
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other groups
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group
Use synonyms
 alongside fruit and fish. Meanwhile, fruits and fish are responsible for 8% and 5% in
group
Use synonyms
 A, respectively. When it comes to
table
Add an article
the table
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, being overweight is less common among respondents with just 10% and 20%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, just 5% of
group
Use synonyms
 A was ill
last
Linking Words
 year,
whereas
Linking Words
 almost 10% of other
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 experienced health issues. The majority of students in both groups participate in classes well, with 90% and 75%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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