IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the work place. why is this hapenning? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

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Nowadays ,the development of technology has changed the
work
Use synonyms
 environment. In the opinion of the writer, robots are used more and more in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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due to
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 their efficiency.
However
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, our society will face detrimental effects if humans depend too much on technological devices. One of the core reasons why artificial intelligence become the norm in industries has to do with how it can help people make
work
Use synonyms
 easier in terms of time-saving.
Due to
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 the fact that machines can take care of the bulk of
work
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,
thus
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, giving individuals more time to complete more tasks. Take hospitals in Japan as a good example, where technology prepares prescriptions automatically so that the doctors will have enough time to get equipment ready for surgery.
Therefore
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, the process will be made in a more productive way. It should
also
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 be recognized that
this
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 tendency may lead to negative consequences in terms of
work
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 life. The proliferation of automation will make people easily lose their jobs as machinery can do the
work
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 of a person.
In addition
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, with robots, many steps have been automated .
As a result
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, the yields are boosted, which means there will be a downsizing in many factories because robots can gain an edge over humans .
As a consequence
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, the rate of unemployment will increase significantly
due to
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 the development of technology. In conclusion, high-tech devices play an important role in the
work
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 environment, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 to fulfil human duties.
By contrast
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, industries which rely too much on that kind of
machines
Fix the agreement mistake
machine
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 will easily cause a decrease in
labour
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the labour
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 force.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more dynamically for added complexity.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
While providing examples, ensure they are clearly connected to your main point for stronger argumentation.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the implementation of technology in Japanese hospitals, strengthens your argument and provides concrete evidence.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the topic comprehensively, covering both sides of the argument and leading to a reasoned conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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