Some people believe that individuals over 65 should not be allowed to continue working. Others think that people should be allowed to work for as long as they choose. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
While
there is a belief that people
of retirement
age
should not be allowed to work
, there is also
a viewpoint that individuals should have opportunity
to continue their employment after Correct article usage
the opportunity
age
of sixty-five. Add an article
the age
This
essay will first explore both viewpoints and then
present a personal opinion which
Correct word choice
that
favors
having Change the spelling
favours
free
choice of Correct article usage
a free
retirement
.
To begin
with, supporters of retiring after 65 argue that this
opens up employment opportunities for younger generations. With an aging
population, job opportunities for young Change the spelling
ageing
people
are decreasing and this
limits their employment opportunities. Particularly , unlike younger workers, aged people
have difficulty using new technologies to speed up and improve work
,so they prefer outdated methods.
Furthermore
, people
argue that individuals over 65 often face health problems
and this
has a negative effect on the prosperity of companies. Concentration problems
and slow work
speed among older people
affect their productivity, which can lead to slow business development. For example
, in companies where there are many people
over 65, data or money leaks happen due to
lack
of attention.
Correct article usage
a lack
On the other hand
, those who believe that retirement
should not be mandatory argue that older people
with experience and certain knowledge bring their workforce to the development of companies. Specifically, people
who rely on their experience are valuable and can make wise decisions in difficult situations. Also
, people
with experience are
an opportunity Verb problem
have
for mentoring
Change preposition
to mentor
for
young workers. By sharing their valuable knowledge, they promote the younger generation and improve organisational aspects of Change preposition
apply
work
.
In addition
, financial problems
are a significant factor for supporters of working after 65 years of age
. Since many older people
face financial problems
due to
small pensions, continuing to work
is a way to provide themselves with a more comfortable life. For instance
, people
who receive a pension and continue to work
suffer less from a lack of finances.
In my view, there should be a free choice for retirement
. Many older people
have knowledge that provides an opportunity for the development of the younger generation as valuable workers and subsequently
the prosperity of the company. Also
in some countries, tiny pensions for retirees leave them no choice but to continue working.q
In conclusion, although
people
who work
after 65 years of age
have negative characteristics, they also
improve the workforce, and I believe that older people
should be able to choose whether to continue working or not.Submitted by faceit0990 on
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General
Continue refining your capability to integrate examples seamlessly into your discussions to strengthen your arguments. This technique enriches your essay with practicality.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance the reader's understanding, consider varying your sentence structures more. This adds rhythm and keeps the reader engaged.
General
Remember to proofread for minor typographical errors. Although they're trivial and did not affect your score, maintaining a polished presentation is beneficial.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively discusses both viewpoints and provides a reasoned personal opinion, demonstrating excellent task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-defined, effectively framing your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've done a great job of supporting your main points with relevant examples and detailed explanations.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.