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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Innovation is often driven by the pursuit of profit and economic growth . However , some argue that it should prioritize addressing social and environmental issues . Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

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Nowadays, technology plays a crucial role in human life.
This
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 is the reason why some people believe that
innovation
Use synonyms
 is frequently motivated by financial gain and economic expansion.
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While others
Correct word choice
Others
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 disagree with the idea and think that it should tackle social and environmental concerns first. In the following paragraph, both of these viewpoints will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand, the major reason that folks say that
innovation
Use synonyms
 is driven by the facet of profit and economic growth is that new innovations can help a company minimize
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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.
In other words
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, utilizing robots and machines
instead
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 of humans can help a company reduce employee expenses.
Additionally
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, new innovations can help to increase revenue. To illustrate, smartphone companies often create new
feathers
Correct your spelling
features
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 in their products in order to attract customers.
On the other hand
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, one of the obvious reasons that some individuals think that it should prioritize handling social and environmental issues is that there are a large number of children, particularly in remote areas, who struggle to access education. In simple terms, in Thailand, most students in distant areas have relatively low scores on Thai national tests compared to those in urban areas.
Therefore
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, technology and
innovation
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 should be utilized to address
this
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 problem. On top of that, there should be an
innovation
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 to mitigate global warming.
That is
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 to say, fume emitted from cars and motorbikes contributes significantly to global warming. To summarize,
although
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 there are numerous reasons why individuals claim that
innovation
Use synonyms
 is driven by profitability and the growth of the economy, I strongly believe that it should prioritize addressing social and environmental problems.

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General
Make sure to proofread your essay for any minor spelling or grammatical errors, as these can distract from your overall message. While small inaccuracies won't significantly impact your score, a polished piece is always preferred.
Task Achievement
Although you have given a balanced view, Your essay could benefit from exploring a wider range of perspectives, especially when discussing such complex issues. Consider including more diverse examples or counterarguments to further enrich your discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, consider varying your sentence structures and using a broader range of linking words. This will not only improve the flow of your essay but also demonstrate your linguistic proficiency.
Task Achievement
You have presented a clear and balanced view on the topic, effectively discussing both sides of the argument and clearly stating your own position in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a strong cohesion and logical structure, with a clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a fitting conclusion.
Task Achievement
You've incorporated relevant examples to support your points, which greatly strengthens your arguments and makes your essay more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pursuit of profit
  • economic growth
  • technological advancements
  • efficiency
  • consumer experiences
  • job creation
  • standard of living
  • sustainability
  • global challenges
  • renewable energy technologies
  • climate change
  • quality of life
  • healthcare
  • education
  • infrastructure
  • underserved populations
  • socio-economic groups
  • balanced approach
  • social and environmental impacts
  • long-term sustainability
  • socially and environmentally responsible products
  • consumer preference
  • societal goals
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