IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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The majority of
people
Use synonyms
 think the
government
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 is responsible for financial support and taking
care
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 of old
people
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. Some of the other things the nation should earn
money
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 to take
care
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 of themselves when they are getting old. I will discuss both views and I give you my opinion. On the one hand, all over the world,
people
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 are getting old come to these cases and
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 of the country, it has many solutions. It would be convenient for
citizens
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 to live very easily.
Therefore
Linking Words
, They do not about worry themself.
For example
Linking Words
, some
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
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 like ISREAL are very speedily developed
countries
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. All the sick and old
people
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 give every month some amount of
money
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 for themselves.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are not afraid of themself.
This
Linking Words
 country's
government
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 thinks they should take
care
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 of their
citizen
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.
Secondly
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, they should
care
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 about
citizens
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 for only
money
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. They are given to them
also
Linking Words
 for insurance like selfie
care
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. it is helpful for their
citizen
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 lifestyle and healthcare too.
For example
Linking Words
, there is someone who gets sick or has an accident. They were given speedily their endurance. As a main solution, they can bring the ambulance without
money
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 and they are very quickly working.
That is
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 very helpful for the
government
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 to take
care
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 of its
citizens
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in the majority of other
countries
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,
people
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 earn
money
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 themselves for their future lives. They work very hard and some small amount of
money
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 is kept in the bank for they are getting sick or getting old they can spend it.
For instance
Linking Words
, like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
SRI
LANKA
Add a comma
LANKA,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 county
government
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 does not take
care
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 its
citizens
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. The majority of
people
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 deposit some
money
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 for their future.
That is
Linking Words
 why, sometimes it is not enough to it life so They depend on their children. In conclusion, some of the developed
countries
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
care
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 about their
citizen
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 very much, and other
countries
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 do not
care
Use synonyms
 about their
citizen
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. In my opinion, the
government
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 should take
care
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
citizen
Use synonyms
 like
isreal
Correct your spelling
Israel
.

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structure
Try to maintain a clear and consistent structure throughout your essay with an introduction, at least two body paragraphs discussing each view separately, and a conclusion that restates your opinion.
development
Work on developing your paragraphs with clear topic sentences, supporting details, and examples. This will help in making your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
flow
Use connectors and transition words to improve the flow of your writing. This will help in linking ideas and paragraphs together, making your essay more coherent.
grammar spelling
Be mindful of spelling and grammar to enhance the clarity of your arguments. Consider revising your essay to correct any errors that could distract from your message.
example usage
When providing examples, ensure they are relevant and clearly support your point. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more impactful.
engagement
You have engaged with a complex issue, considering multiple perspectives.
examples
It’s commendable that you have attempted to support your points with examples.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion, contributing to a well-rounded discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government responsibility
  • financial support
  • care
  • retirees
  • personal responsibility
  • retirement planning
  • social security
  • pension
  • benefits
  • concerns
  • dependency
  • adequate savings
  • elderly citizens
  • burden
  • welfare system
  • poverty
  • social safety net
  • financial stability
  • public funds
  • sustainable
  • reliable
  • case study
  • Japan
  • Sweden
  • United States
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