IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people argue that staying healthy is essential for each individual,
therefore
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healthcare
Use synonyms
 services should be run by governments and not by private companies. In my opinion, both sides of
this
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 argument have valid points, and in
this
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 essay, I will discuss the advantages and drawbacks of privatization of
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 industry. The two main advantages of private
healthcare
Use synonyms
 are improved quality of patient care and a better working environment for medical providers.
Firstly
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, the private hospitals are significantly less busy than the public hospitals.
Consequently
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, if doctors and nurses can allocate more time for each patient, misdiagnoses-related harm rates would decrease and patients would be prescribed more person-specific treatments, rather than generic ones.
Secondly
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, private
healthcare
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 ensures improved working conditions for hospital staff. Private institutions often have more resources and better infrastructure.
For example
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, American Hospital, a private hospital in Istanbul, has many amenities for staff within the hospital building, where the doctors and nurses can rest during busy shifts.
However
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, there are several disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
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 relying on profit-making companies in
medical
Add an article
the medical
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 industry. One major drawback is the exclusion of financially strained individuals from
healthcare
Use synonyms
.
This
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 can lead to a situation where vulnerable populations delay or avoid treatment
due to
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 cost concerns.
For instance
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, in nations without a universal
healthcare
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 system, preventable diseases often go untreated among the uninsured, leading to higher mortality rates.
Therefore
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, creating a system where citizens hesitate to call an ambulance in order to avoid high hospital bills might not be a good strategy in the long term. In conclusion,
although
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 private health care can offer certain advantages, these are overshadowed by the risks of inequality, inaccessibility, and profit-driven motives that may not align with patient
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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.
Therefore
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, public
healthcare
Use synonyms
 models should be prioritised to ensure equitable and ethical medical care for all.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point that supports your argument. You can also provide a more clear connection between the advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your points, especially when discussing the disadvantages of private healthcare.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your argument well.
task achievement
Your points about improved patient care and working conditions in private healthcare are strong and well explained.
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