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Band 4

Some people think that public transport should be free, especially in big cities. Do you think free public transportation will have more advantages or disadvantages?

#people #transport #cities #transportation
​There is a type of group which
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
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 that buses, undergrounds and other public transportation should be free, mainly in megacities. Obviously, it will be
pleasure
Correct article usage
a pleasure
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 bonus for habitants but we should consider other aspects
such
 as decreasing
of
Change preposition
apply
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service quality and increasing traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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. It means
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 overweight
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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. ​On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
it is clear that
 for individuals who live in big cities mass transport without any pay will be a kind of nice bonus. It
safes
Correct your spelling
saves
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 their money for more important and visible things
instead
 of paying for buses multiple times a day.
For example
,
according to
 daily
statistics
Add a comma
statistics,
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 if public transit
will be
Wrong verb form
is
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 free,
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 can preserve
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 average
500
Change preposition
of 500
show examples
-700 tg.daily. It is really helpful for students or people with lower
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
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. ​
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 the prices respond to quality. Wherever you are it can be seen that the more fare the better service. All problems named as rude bus
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
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, untidy
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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, disrespectful
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
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 of others (mainly ignorant humans), uncomfortable driving and so on getting out unpaid services.
Moreover
, it might lead to
go up
Verb problem
a number
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 of traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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 on the roads.
For instance
, on
Holiday
Correct article usage
the Holiday
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids exactly on June
1
Add a comma
1,
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there were a lot of
fully
Change the adverb
full
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 buses without
fare
Fix the agreement mistake
fares
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 and they did long traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 on the way. In conclusion, the disadvantages
exceeds
Change the verb form
exceed
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advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to introduce more complex sentence structures to enhance the cohesion of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider diversifying your vocabulary to better express nuanced arguments and to avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
Include a more balanced discussion by exploring both sides of the argument more equally, even if your conclusion leans towards one side.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear stance on the topic.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples to support your points shows an understanding of the topic and strengthens your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, helps in clearly presenting your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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