People in many countries are spending less time with their families. What are the reasons and effect of this?
Nowadays, there is a common belief that
relationship
among Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
member
of Fix the agreement mistake
members
family
have decreased in many countries. Correct article usage
a family
People
tend to spend their time
with friends or relatives rather than families
. In this
essay, I will explain some reasons why this
happen
and the effect Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
about
Change preposition
of
this
situation.
The principal reason why people
tend to spend less time
with their families
is that they have to study or work in another place. This
is because area
where they live Correct article usage
the area
do
not provide Correct subject-verb agreement
does
a
good Correct article usage
apply
job
or good education Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
standard
. In order to improve the Fix the agreement mistake
standards
quality
of life, they have to leave their region with another
Correct quantifier usage
other
consequecies
Correct your spelling
consequences
consequence
such
as reducing quality
time
with their families
. Another reason is the rising of using
of social Wrong verb form
use
media
. Nowadays, people
tend to spend their leisure time
in
social Change preposition
on
media
such
as tiktok
and Correct your spelling
TikTok
instagram
. Change the capitalization
Instagram
Moreover
, the developer of this
app make
an effort to increase Change the verb form
makes
people
's enggagement
with Correct your spelling
engagement
release
Correct article usage
the release
a
new feature that Change preposition
of a
make
them enjoy using it Change the verb form
makes
such
as video conference
, photo sharing, and buying online. Wrong verb form
conferencing
Consequently
, they spend much time
in
social Change preposition
on
media
rather than with their families
.
Furthermore
, this
circumstances affect on Change the determiner
these
quality
of family relationship
. Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
People
should spend much quality
time
to improve
their Change the verb form
improving
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
such
as conversation
, playing sports, and camping. In Change preposition
in conversation
this
activity, people
can increase their chemistry each
other and Change preposition
with each
knowing
what is their best and Change the verb form
know
low
condition. Correct word choice
lowest
As a result
, they know how to encourage member
of Fix the agreement mistake
members
family
when they Add an article
the family
sad
or feeling down.
In conclusion, spending less Add a missing verb
are sad
time
with family is inevitable
condition because Add an article
an inevitable
spreading
of Correct article usage
the spreading
job
and education is not equal among countries, and Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
also
social media
plays significant
factor that caused Add an article
a significant
this
circumstance. Finally
, it affect
Change the verb form
affects
on
Change preposition
apply
famly
Correct your spelling
family
relationship
.Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
Submitted by rifkiw1205 on
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Grammar & Spelling
For future writing, it may be helpful to pay closer attention to local grammar and spelling conventions to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing. Even small inaccuracies don't significantly hinder understanding, it's always good to aim for perfection.
Content Depth
You've provided a robust analysis of the reasons and effects related to decreased family time, which is commendable. To deepen your essays even further, you might consider exploring a wider range of perspectives or including counter-arguments to enrich the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to create a stronger link between paragraphs with smoother transitions. This will not only strengthen the essay's flow but also make it easier for readers to follow your thought process from one point to the next.
Structure
You've effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which greatly aids in reader comprehension.
Task Response
Your essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task, with comprehensive coverage of both causes and effects concerning the main topic. This level of detail is impressive.
Use of Examples
The use of examples, such as the impact of social media and job/education relocation, is particularly effective in illustrating your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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