People in many countries are spending less time with their families. What are the reasons and effect of this?

#people #countries #time #families #effect

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Nowadays, there is a common belief that

Use synonyms

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

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among

member

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members

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family

Correct article usage

a family

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have decreased in many countries.

People

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tend to spend their

time

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with friends or relatives rather than

families

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. In

this

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essay, I will explain some reasons why

this

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happen

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happens

show examples

and the effect

about

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show examples

this

Linking Words

situation. The principal reason why

people

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tend to spend less

time

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with their

families

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is that they have to study or work in another place.

This

Linking Words

is because

area

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the area

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where they live

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does

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not provide

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apply

show examples

good

job

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jobs

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or good education

standard

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standards

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. In order to improve the

quality

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of life, they have to leave their region with

another

Correct quantifier usage

other

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consequecies

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consequences

consequence

such

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as reducing

quality

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time

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with their

families

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. Another reason is the rising

of using

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use

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of social

media

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. Nowadays,

people

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tend to spend their leisure

time

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show examples

social

media

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such

Linking Words

tiktok

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TikTok

and

instagram

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Instagram

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Moreover

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, the developer of

this

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app

make

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makes

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an effort to increase

people

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enggagement

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engagement

with

release

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the release

show examples

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of a

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new feature that

make

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makes

show examples

them enjoy using it

such

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as video

conference

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conferencing

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, photo sharing, and buying online.

Consequently

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, they spend much

time

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show examples

social

media

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rather than with their

families

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Furthermore

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this

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these

show examples

circumstances affect on

quality

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of family

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relationship

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relationships

show examples

People

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should spend much

quality

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time

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to improve

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improving

show examples

their

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relationship

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relationships

show examples

such

Linking Words

conversation

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in conversation

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, playing sports, and camping. In

this

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activity,

people

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can increase their chemistry

each

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with each

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other and

knowing

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know

show examples

what is their best and

low

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lowest

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condition.

As a result

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, they know how to encourage

member

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members

show examples

family

Add an article

the family

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when they

sad

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are sad

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or feeling down. In conclusion, spending less

time

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with family is

inevitable

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an inevitable

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condition because

spreading

Correct article usage

the spreading

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job

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jobs

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and education is not equal among countries, and

also

Linking Words

social

media

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plays

significant

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a significant

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factor that caused

this

Linking Words

circumstance.

Finally

Linking Words

, it

affect

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affects

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

famly

Correct your spelling

family

Use synonyms

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

Submitted by rifkiw1205 on Fri Mar 29 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar & Spelling

For future writing, it may be helpful to pay closer attention to local grammar and spelling conventions to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing. Even small inaccuracies don't significantly hinder understanding, it's always good to aim for perfection.

Content Depth

You've provided a robust analysis of the reasons and effects related to decreased family time, which is commendable. To deepen your essays even further, you might consider exploring a wider range of perspectives or including counter-arguments to enrich the discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to create a stronger link between paragraphs with smoother transitions. This will not only strengthen the essay's flow but also make it easier for readers to follow your thought process from one point to the next.

Structure

You've effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which greatly aids in reader comprehension.

Task Response

Your essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task, with comprehensive coverage of both causes and effects concerning the main topic. This level of detail is impressive.

Use of Examples

The use of examples, such as the impact of social media and job/education relocation, is particularly effective in illustrating your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
42
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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People in many countries are spending less time with their families. What are the reasons and effect of this?

Your opinion

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

In many countries today in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?