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Band 6

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#money #time
Some say that earning important quantities of cash
as well as
 having
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 intervals of leisure is better than having less money with more free time.
This
 essay will suggest that owning loads of it is necessary in order to have quality relaxation periods and having more spare time allows you to feel,
overall
, more relaxed. It is thought that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 thanks to having a large capital, individuals can enjoy the small amount of it they have.
Furthermore
, when having a lot of money, people are able to book extravagant trips to foreign countries and live countless and luxurious experiences.
For instance
, my uncle has only 2 weeks per year of vacation because he spends all of his hours working towards building an empire. Though he might seem tortured, he is one of the happiest men alive
as a consequence
 of how perfectly he manages those two weeks and creates
unforgetable
Correct your spelling
unforgettable
 memories with the cash he owns. People
also
 believe that money is not a crucial factor
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 having the knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 how to spend a free stretch.
Moreover
, it is possible to enjoy most of life with not much in capital since having a pleasure
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life is accessible to everyone.
For example
, in the 2023 annual Harvard Social study, the results illustrated that,
overall
, individuals with less cash
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 happier than those possessing a lot of it. Between the first category, 50% explained that their
hapinness
Correct your spelling
happiness
 was
due to
 the simple yet qualitative life they have thanks to the important amount of leisure periods.
To conclude
, I personally think that having an important capital with little relaxation time is better than the opposite since it is possible to know how to organise these small periods of leisure in order to enjoy the most of it.
Submitted by santos_dij on

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Language Variety
Be cautious with repetitive phrases or words; diversifying language can make the essay even more engaging.
Precision in Language
Review the usage of terms like 'small amount of it' and 'important quantities of cash' for clarity and precision in expression.
Transition Smoothness
Check the coherence in transition between paragraphs for smoother flow of ideas.
Use of Examples
Effective use of examples to support your arguments, enhancing the overall persuasive power of the essay.
Task Achievement
The structured argument, successfully discussing both views before stating your own opinion, shows excellent task achievement.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your view, making a strong finishing statement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
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