The graph shows the rate of smoking among men and women in Somaliland

The graph shows the rate of smoking among men and women in Somaliland
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The graph shows the rate of smoking among men and women in Somaliland
The line graph illustrates the information about
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
of smokers who were between male and female in Somaliland.
Overall
Linking Words
, X made years and y made
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of people.There was a downward trend from men
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
fluctuated during the time period.
According to
Linking Words
the chart,
women
Use synonyms
were
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
party used of cuggrates.That was almost 100 in 1960.
Then
Linking Words
gradually went up and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
unchanged nearly 200 from 1965 to 1970.
Thus
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, slightly improved and
hitting
Wrong verb form
hit
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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highest over the
300by
Correct your spelling
300 by
1975.After moderately dropped next twenty years.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
women
Use synonyms
accounted
exactly
Change preposition
for exactly
show examples
200in 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Somalian men
hitted
Correct your spelling
hit
show examples
the top point
600
Change preposition
of 600
show examples
in 1960.
However
Linking Words
, who was dramatically decreased year by year .Smokers slightly dipped in 1995.It was under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
300.
The
Change preposition
At the
show examples
end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
males
also
Linking Words
nearly
women
Use synonyms
percentage
likewise
Linking Words
, just over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
200.
Hence
Linking Words
,
compare
Wrong verb form
comparing
show examples
the details with
women
Use synonyms
and men were slowly
fallen
Verb problem
began
show examples
smoking end of the period rather than middle years in
Somaliand
Correct your spelling
Somalia
state .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • disparity
  • trends
  • cultural factors
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • comparative analysis
  • awareness campaigns
  • health implications
  • interventions
  • correlation
  • lifestyle choices
  • health behaviors
  • significantly
  • narrowing
  • widening
  • impact
  • influencing
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