IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this developement has more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#countries #phone #cellphone #apps #developement
The payment of goods with
APP
Correct article usage
an APP
show examples
 on own mobile phone is almost common,
expecially
Correct your spelling
especially
 within
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
modern countries where the internet line is available without interruption. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the advantages are more than
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
, in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 we can use
this mobile phone applications
Change the determiner
this mobile phone application
these mobile phone applications
show examples
 without
think
Change the verb form
thinking
show examples
 about the local currency. The different charge is automatically elaborated and one needs only to click the authorization.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, we have the possibility to go abroad without a huge quantity of
banconotes
Correct your spelling
banknotes
, coins or credit cards.
The modern
Correct article usage
Modern
show examples
 phones have
also
 all kinds of digital
protections
Fix the agreement mistake
protection
show examples
, we have available the fingerprint or face recognition. Sometimes the easy payment could be a disadvantage, because people don't think a lot about the cost and buy
evrything
Correct your spelling
everything
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
.
Submitted by Ste on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
To strengthen your essay, ensure the introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic and the conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your position. This creates a strong frame for your argument.
Developing Arguments
Develop your arguments further with more specific examples and details. This deepens the reader’s understanding and engagement with your points.
Grammar & Spelling
Avoid spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity. Tools or careful proofreading can help identify and correct these mistakes.
Balanced Argument
Consider exploring both sides of the argument, even if you have a clear stance. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Topic Relevance
You effectively highlight the convenience of mobile payment apps, which aligns well with the topic.
Personal Perspective
Your use of personal perspective enriches the essay and makes your argument more relatable.
Logical Structure
The structure of your essay generally follows a logical flow, making it easier for the reader to follow your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: