One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Human life expectancy is increasing
due to
advanced modern medicine, and people can live longer. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I believe it has more demerits than merits, and I will explain why in the following paragraphs.
To start with, so many nations are coping with aging
problems. It is very serious because senior citizens are liabilities. A country with a high percentage of elders is a weak country because most residents are useless. We have to take care of them Change the spelling
ageing
in
the rest of their lives. They usually die slowly, and the medical fees are costly. Most of the old people are not able to work. It means they can not contribute to the society. Many governments put a lot of money into health insurance and technologies for them to extend their lives. In my view, it is not Change preposition
for
Replace the word
worth
worthy
. Correct pronoun usage
worthy it
However
, scientists are researching on
how to live longer. They invented more and more medicines. They found a great number of treatments. They did numerous experiments. I believe all of those hard Change preposition
apply
working
will cause a bad ending to our world. Developed countries Replace the word
work
such
as Japan, United
Kindom, Correct article usage
the United
United
States, and so on are facing elderly issues. They are struggling with those difficulties. Still can not find the remedy. What can we do Correct article usage
the United
for
it? I have no idea. Only time will tell.
In a nutshell, the improvement of medical care triggered so many effects like Change preposition
about
workforce
, countries' money use, and national Correct article usage
the workforce
defense
. Change the spelling
defence
As a result
, I strongly dislike this
development.Submitted by edward300225 on
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Task Achievement
Consider providing a balanced view by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of increasing life expectancy. This could enrich your argument and provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure to connect your ideas more clearly and logically. Using phrases like 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', or 'Consequently' can help guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
Incorporating specific examples or statistics could strengthen your argument and make your points more convincing. Consider adding real-world examples that support your view.
Task Achievement
Although it’s important to present your personal opinion, try to maintain a respectful and objective tone throughout your essay. Avoid using words that might seem derogatory, like 'useless', when referring to sections of the population.
Theme
You’ve successfully identified and focused on a significant and relevant topic regarding the consequences of improved medical care on life expectancy.
Introduction
You made a clear statement of your viewpoint at the beginning, which helps to set the direction for your essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.