Obesity has become an issue in some Western countries, especially among children.What are the reasons behind and what effects does it have on individuals' life?

#obesity #countries #children #effects #individuals #life

Nowadays,

obesity

Verb problem

has

show examples

turned

Change preposition

into a

show examples

major obstruction in Western countries, especially among juveniles.

This

essay will shed light on

rationales

Correct article usage

the rationales

show examples

behind it and reveal its effects. Major reasons that pave the way for additional weight are not only a poor diet but

also

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of regular

exercises

Fix the agreement mistake

exercise

show examples

Initially

, individuals primarily give the preference to eat unhealthy junk food in McDonalds or KFC. In today’s fast-paced society, widespread GM food can induce to be overweight.

Secondly

, the shortage of responsibility to do daily workouts can lead to

obesity

. Individuals splash out their time to immerse themselves

to obtain

Change preposition

in obtaining

show examples

invaluable knowledge at school rather than doing exercises. Routinely engaging in activities

such

as daily

run

Replace the word

running

show examples

can contribute to

stay

Wrong verb form

staying

show examples

fit and can diminish our mass. The implications of

obesity

are getting serious day by day and

needs

Change the verb form

need

show examples

to be taken into consideration.

Firstly

, fatness can generate serious health-related issues and influence adversely our life expectancy. Eating a balanced diet can alleviate the symptoms

than

Correct word choice

that

show examples

plumpness brings about. Being

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

can impede children

to race

Change preposition

from racing

show examples

competitively, causing a multitude of negative jokes

Change preposition

from

show examples

other students. Undergoing

Remove the article

apply

show examples

bullying is a common phenomenon that takes place in the majority of schools.

According to

some scientists, plumpness can suppress unpleasantly juveniles’ reasoning and deep thought, impacting undesirably to their graded marks and job life. Taking everything into consideration, despite the fact that being

obesity

has a number of grounds

such

as diet

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

and irresponsibility of individuals, there are abundant essential obstacles that

obesity

causes.

Submitted by bhoswriting on Fri Mar 29 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Logical Structure

You've done an excellent job in developing a clear, logical structure for your essay. Each paragraph serves a distinct purpose and contributes to the overall argument.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, clearly stating the topic and summarizing the main points. This provides a strong sense of closure.

Supported Main Points

You excellently support your main points with relevant examples and explanations. This enriches your argument and makes it more persuasive.

Complete Response

Your essay fully responds to the task, addressing both causes and effects of the issue comprehensively. Well done on presenting a complete, well-rounded argument.

Clear and Comprehensive Ideas

Your ideas are clearly and comprehensively articulated throughout the essay. This clarity and depth of understanding enhance the reader's engagement.

Relevant and Specific Examples

You've included a variety of relevant and specific examples that effectively illustrate your points. This use of specific examples significantly strengthens your argument.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are effectively constructed, providing a strong framework for your essay.

Logical Structure

You've structured your essay logically, making it easy to follow and understand.

Supported Main Points

Your use of specific examples to support your points is particularly commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
Today, many people are suffering from health problems because of fast food the Government should tax higher fast food what is your opinion about this?
The fast food industry is booming, nowadays. Therefore, consumption of junk food is a rise to numerous health issuses. Although increasing the tax on processed food would stop people to have it, I think, adding more nutrition and healthy ingredients to it would be more beneficial.
6.5
band
Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
In contemporary society new form of business - Multinational companies have consistently been a topic of interest among the masses. An increasing number of individuals are discovering that establishing multinational companies in developing countries is now the latest trend. Despite recognizing the merits and drawbacks behind the viewpoint, I am inclined to believe that economic growth is the prime benefit, while the excessive use of natural resources is the main drawback.
4.5
band
Many famous people are treated unfairly by the media. Some believe they should be given more privacy, while others think otherwise. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Becoming public figures has its own consequences to be well-known in a whole society. It is also associated to side-by-side living with media reports. Some people believe that famous figures should be highlighted for certain purposes, while others think they should be treated equal as ordinary people. This essay will explain these two-sides opinion and I personally see that public figures should emphasize more privacy in their own lives.
6.5
band
Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
These days, with the development of society, human beings are increasingly mindful of their well-being. Whether living in the suburban areas or in the urban ones to have well-being remains a controversial topic. From my perspective, both arguments are reasonable to a certain extent, but I am still in favour of the former viewpoint. I will explain my preferences in the following paragraphs.
7
band
Some people think that old buildings should be knocked down and give way to the new buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree? How important are old buildings to us?
Ancient buildings and monuments owe to the pride of our nation. Most people think they should be wiped off and replaced by modern architectural buildings. However, I contend with these thoughts and the following paragraphs will illustrate my statements of disagreement.

Obesity has become an issue in some Western countries, especially among children.What are the reasons behind and what effects does it have on individuals' life?

Fully explain your ideas

Today, many people are suffering from health problems because of fast food the Government should tax higher fast food what is your opinion about this?

Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Many famous people are treated unfairly by the media. Some believe they should be given more privacy, while others think otherwise. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Some people think that old buildings should be knocked down and give way to the new buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree? How important are old buildings to us?