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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the process of making soft cheese. Summerize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram below shows the process of making soft cheese. Summerize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The diagram
showing
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
process
Add an article
the process
a process
show examples
 of making
cheese
Use synonyms
 starting from
raw
Correct article usage
the raw
show examples
 materials of
cheese
Use synonyms
. There were several
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 were used to produce
cheese
Use synonyms
 starting with
mixer
Correct article usage
a mixer
show examples
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mixing water and milk
then
Linking Words
 mixing properly under suitable conditions temperature
5
Change preposition
of 5
show examples
degrees C , pressure and 2 hours of mixing to be homogeneous mixture after that next step would be cooling down
then
Linking Words
 the salt was added to production line . The most important process fermentation which
converted
Wrong verb form
converts
show examples
 raw materials to partial
cheese
Use synonyms
 the time and special conditioning must be considered temperature of 35 degrees C and 2 hours of sediment.The evaporator machine was designed to evaporate the remaining liquid from
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
 line through
this
Linking Words
 method , the steam was released from
evaporator
Correct article usage
the evaporator
show examples
 based on temperature control
100
Change preposition
of 100
show examples
 degrees and 8 hours
then
Linking Words
 , specific measurements
Add a missing verb
were
show examples
set up the hear regarding to process setting. The
last
Linking Words
 equipment was made to produce
cheese
Use synonyms
 , named cooler or distilled tower which many proceed occurred filtering
then
Linking Words
 cooling and storage of products .

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cheese with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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