While it is sometimes thought that prison is the best place for criminals, others believe that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion?
Crimes have always been part of
societies
. Fix the agreement mistake
society
Hence
, worldwide governments have evaluated the best ways to deal with offenders. Nevertheless
, although
many people argue that imprisonment has to be the
unique punishment, some others believe that different options could have better outcomes. Here, I am going to explain why I think that both, either Correct article usage
a
prision
or other Correct your spelling
prison
penalities
, should be considered.
Correct your spelling
penalties
Firstly
, there are many types of crimes as well as
lawbreakers. For
this
reason, characteristics of the illegal act that was commited
, Correct your spelling
committed
such
as gravity, consequences, and people were
involved Unnecessary verb
apply
on
it, must be evaluated. Change preposition
in
For instance
terrorism, murders
, human trafficking or child abuse are major crimes, Fix the agreement mistake
murder
then
severe penalizations have to be applied. However
, pick
pocketting, traffic offences and vandalism are minor offences and Verb problem
apply
its
sanctions should be personalized respectively.
Correct pronoun usage
their
On the other hand
, prisons are sponsored by public financial resources and it
Correct pronoun usage
they
represents
large expenses yearly. Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
Besides
, many
research Correct quantifier usage
much
have
shown that consequences Change the verb form
has
such
as mental diseases and recidivism could be outcomes owing to behivours
and violence that are lived in jail. Correct your spelling
behaviour
For example
, in El Salvador, offenders that
are in prison are nacked and have been beaten as a punishment. Correct pronoun usage
who
Then
, community services, fines, etc, have to be evaluated as a method of penalization.
To sum up
, prison is required as a punishment depending on severity
and reasons why a Add an article
the severity
transgession
was Correct your spelling
transgression
commited
. Correct your spelling
committed
However
, there are many ways to stablish
penalties that should Correct your spelling
establish
be contemplate
among offenders.Change the verb form
be contemplated
be contemplating
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Language accuracy
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor spelling and grammar mistakes. For instance, 'prison' instead of 'prision', and 'behaviors' instead of 'behivours'. These small errors can slightly distract from the overall quality of your writing but are easily corrected.
Argument depth
To enhance your argument, consider including more varied and specific examples. While you mentioned different types of crimes and punishments, providing real-world examples or case studies could strengthen your points.
Consistency
Try to ensure a consistent viewpoint throughout your essay. While you mentioned that both prison and other penalties should be considered, clearer statements on your stance in the introduction and stronger links between paragraphs could improve clarity.
Content
You displayed a good understanding of the essay topic, providing a balanced view on the subject of criminal punishment which is commendable.
Structure
Your essay structure is clear, with a coherent introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion. This organization makes your argument easy to follow.
Complexity
You've shown a good ability to discuss complex issues with explanations of different types of crimes and a range of sanctions, reflecting a mature understanding of the topic.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.