It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes clam that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is commonly believed that many
people
have an innate
ability
in certain areas, and others do not.
However
,
this
wisdom is sometimes challenged by the fact that education can build children's
ability
to master certain things. Despite we know that training can improve someone’s skills even better, I believe that genes make the main contribution for
people
to reach the highest point of their careers. On the
one
hand, training and school education can sharpen someone’s skills. As subject curriculum can introduce techniques,
tricks
Correct word choice
and tricks
show examples
, and direct how
people
maximize their potential. Take my sister as an example. Her swimming
ability
is poor compared with her peers.
Hence
, she took a private lesson
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
, at least, mastering
one
or two swimming styles. Look at her nowadays, she can swim at the Olympic pool with more than 3 styles conducted at
one
turn.
Thus
, training can help someone with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of
ability
to perform well in certain things.
On the other hand
, genes are something that cannot be overlooked. In many areas, innate abilities are irreplaceable and it becomes a factor that makes someone’s milestone different from the others.
For instance
, Agus Rahman,
one
of the swimming athletes in my country, has a long torso and wide feet that can produce huge kicks in the water and help to balance his body. Many
people
said that his body posture was a fate that directed him to become a professional swimmer.
As a result
, before his 17, Agus Rahman won first place in the swimming Olympiad at the global level.
This
is concrete evidence that
people
are born with certain talents and I believe
this
gift can accelerate
people
to go far in their careers.
To sum up
,
while
conventional wisdom says that training can build
people
to become experts in many areas, I believe that innate
ability
is an irreplaceable gift that can make
people
go far, beat the unbeatable, and reach a remarkable goal compared with the average
people
.
Submitted by aidafathiaa on

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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion were present, but they could have been stronger and more explicitly stated your main argument. Make sure to have a clear thesis statement at the beginning and a definitive stance in your conclusion.
relevant specific examples
While you have provided examples to support your main points, they could be more relevant and clearly linked to the question. Ensure that each example you choose directly supports the argument you are making.
clear comprehensive ideas
You addressed both sides of the discussion as the question prompts, but make sure to fully develop your opinion as well. Your voice needs to stand out clearly throughout the essay.
logical structure
The overall structure of your essay is adequate, but the progression from one idea to the next could be smoother. Try to use a wider range of connectives and topic sentences that naturally lead the reader through your argument.
supported main points
You made good attempts to support your main points with examples and some development of ideas; however, expanding more on your ideas with further explanation or adding more intricate details can make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
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