IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes clam that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is commonly believed that many
people
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 have an innate
ability
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 in certain areas, and others do not.
However
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,
this
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 wisdom is sometimes challenged by the fact that education can build children's
ability
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 to master certain things. Despite we know that training can improve someone’s skills even better, I believe that genes make the main contribution for
people
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 to reach the highest point of their careers. On the
one
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 hand, training and school education can sharpen someone’s skills. As subject curriculum can introduce techniques,
tricks
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and tricks
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, and direct how
people
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 maximize their potential. Take my sister as an example. Her swimming
ability
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 is poor compared with her peers.
Hence
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, she took a private lesson
for
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to
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, at least, mastering
one
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 or two swimming styles. Look at her nowadays, she can swim at the Olympic pool with more than 3 styles conducted at
one
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 turn.
Thus
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, training can help someone with
lack
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a lack
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 of
ability
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 to perform well in certain things.
On the other hand
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, genes are something that cannot be overlooked. In many areas, innate abilities are irreplaceable and it becomes a factor that makes someone’s milestone different from the others.
For instance
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, Agus Rahman,
one
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 of the swimming athletes in my country, has a long torso and wide feet that can produce huge kicks in the water and help to balance his body. Many
people
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 said that his body posture was a fate that directed him to become a professional swimmer.
As a result
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, before his 17, Agus Rahman won first place in the swimming Olympiad at the global level.
This
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 is concrete evidence that
people
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 are born with certain talents and I believe
this
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 gift can accelerate
people
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 to go far in their careers.
To sum up
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,
while
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 conventional wisdom says that training can build
people
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 to become experts in many areas, I believe that innate
ability
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 is an irreplaceable gift that can make
people
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 go far, beat the unbeatable, and reach a remarkable goal compared with the average
people
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.

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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion were present, but they could have been stronger and more explicitly stated your main argument. Make sure to have a clear thesis statement at the beginning and a definitive stance in your conclusion.
relevant specific examples
While you have provided examples to support your main points, they could be more relevant and clearly linked to the question. Ensure that each example you choose directly supports the argument you are making.
clear comprehensive ideas
You addressed both sides of the discussion as the question prompts, but make sure to fully develop your opinion as well. Your voice needs to stand out clearly throughout the essay.
logical structure
The overall structure of your essay is adequate, but the progression from one idea to the next could be smoother. Try to use a wider range of connectives and topic sentences that naturally lead the reader through your argument.
supported main points
You made good attempts to support your main points with examples and some development of ideas; however, expanding more on your ideas with further explanation or adding more intricate details can make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
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