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Band 6.5

Scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as South Pole, advantage outweigh disadvantages?

#scientists #tourists #travel #environments #pole #advantage
Remote natural environments have become more attractive to scientists and tourists to travel. I think
this
 trend has more drawbacks than
benefits
. Regarding disadvantages,
firstly
,
this
 travelling may have negative influences on the local environment. These natural places are usually far away from population-density areas, which means that
people
 have to take transportations that rely on fossil fuels to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these areas. Commuting methods,
such
 as
air planes
Correct your spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
, ships and vehicles, emit a huge number of pollutants into the air, impairing the air quality.
Besides
,
people
 are likely to throw away non-degradable wastes, specifically, plastic water bottles, during the trip, leading to soil and water pollution, thereby affecting negatively on local environment.
In addition
, these remote areas are unexplored places with potential risks.
People
 are more likely to face unpredicted extreme weather, increasing the risk of catching illnesses.
However
,
this
 trend contributes to some
benefits
. The demand for travelling to remote places boosts the tourism industry of nearby countries, creating more employment opportunities and increasing
people
's income,
thus
 enhancing economic growth.
Nevertheless
, the cost of economic development is huge because booming tourism is always followed by the destruction of ecosystems.
For example
, in order to have a place to stay, some
people
 choose to destroy and burn the forest or jungle, resulting in fewer habitats for wild animals to live, impairing local ecological systems. As discussed above, travelling to remote environments brings more drawbacks,
for example
,
environmnt
Correct your spelling
environment
environmental
 pollution and the risk of suffering from diseases than
benefits
.
While
 there are some pros, the cost of these
benefits
 is huge.
Submitted by yyyuanc on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay directly addresses the question posed and offers a balanced consideration of both sides of the argument before concluding. Although you did discuss advantages and disadvantages, a more explicit comparison or a clearer statement of your position would enhance clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraph transitions could help in making your essay flow even more smoothly. While the logical structure is present, more sophisticated linking words could enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
You provided clear and relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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