In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first month after the birth of their baby. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?
In several countries,
females
are permitted to take maternity leave from their occupation
during the first month after childbirth of their baby. The writer will explain the benefits
and drawbacks
about
Change preposition
of
this
statement.
The benefits
of females
permitted
in their Add a missing verb
being permitted
jobs
are they can focus on taking care
of children
and have more quality time
with family. Females
who decide to be permitted from their occupation
can focus on taking care
of children
because they can stay at home only and care
for the baby while
at home. In addition
, females
have more quality time
with family because they have nothing to do outside their home
and can always be with their family. Fix the agreement mistake
homes
For example
, females
can have better
Add an article
a better
time
to take care
of a baby and their family when they are unemployed and have more free time
.
The drawbacks
of females
deciding to be permitted in their jobs
are impact
Correct article usage
the impact
for
their Change preposition
on
jobs
and reducing
confidence when they want to return to work. Wrong verb form
reduced
Females
can not develop more in their carriers
because they decide to permit. Correct your spelling
careers
Additionally
, females
can reduce their confidence when they want to return to work because they have gotten used to taking care
of children
during their maternity leave. For example
, In Indonesia
there are many Add a comma
Indonesia,
females
who decide to housewives
after having Add a missing verb
be housewives
children
.
To conclude
, the writer believes that there are benefits
and drawbacks
for females
who decide permitted for their occupation
. There are benefits
on females
can focus on taking care
of children
and have more quality time
with family. However
there are Add a comma
However,
drawbacks
for females
permitted their occupation
are impacting their jobs
and reducing confidence when they want to return to work.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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Introduction and Conclusion
Try to provide a more detailed introduction and conclusion. Your introduction could more clearly state your opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Similarly, your conclusion could summarize your points more effectively, reinforcing your stance.
Supporting Examples
Work on developing your main points with more detailed examples. While you provided some examples, they could be expanded upon to better support your argument. Specific, real-world examples make your argument more persuasive.
Idea Development
Consider exploring a wider range of ideas for both advantages and disadvantages. This will make your response more comprehensive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Language Use
Improve the clarity and accuracy of your writing by paying attention to sentence structure and vocabulary choice. Avoid repetition and aim for variety in your expressions.
Balanced Discussion
You effectively outlined both the advantages and disadvantages, demonstrating a balanced view.
Logical Structure
Your essay is structured in a logical manner, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?