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Band 7.5

The older people who need empolyment have to compete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

#people #empolyment #ones #create
One of the basic needs of human beings is working no matter what the age is. The elderly
people
 who are seeking a
job
 , have to compete with the younger generation.
Therefore
, there are some issues which emerge in between on the one hand and some solutions to work it out
on the other hand
 which is going to be discussed in
this
 essay. Self-evidently, youngsters are more energetic, innovative and hardworking compared to the older ones.
Due to
 these factors, many of the employers are not willing to hire aged ones as their productivity is low in comparison which leads to some financial issues for them
as well as
 abnormalities for the governments.
For instance
, if one is not able to provide enough facilities and money for the family and children it will affect them deeply in the society.
Moreover
, the
Job
 which needs experience should be done by elderly
people
 in order to accomplish it well, but
this
 flawed idea hinders it. In spite of these circumstances there are shreds of evidence that illustrate some actions can be taken in
this
 regard in order to confront it. By a way of illustration, in some equal conditions, elderly
people
 can have some positive points or priorities at the beginning to obtain a
job
 as they need it more than youngsters.
In addition
, if
this
 solution does not work, states can pay a special amount of money to aged ones to reimburse their joblessness until they find a proper
job
. In a nutshell, what is known is that
this
 group should be protected and supported by authorities so as not to face abnormalities. In conclusion,
this
 essay discussed pitfalls regarding finding careers among old
people
 and providing solutions to them which are very vital to be considered and if it does not occur there will be huge difficulties in society in the long run.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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task achievement
Try to include more diverse and detailed examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more vivid.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and transitions to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes the essay easy to follow.
task achievement
You effectively addressed the task, presenting the problems and proposing solutions concerning the employment of older people, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • adapt
  • technology
  • work cultures
  • physical stamina
  • flexibility
  • inter-generational
  • communication barriers
  • stringent
  • anti-discrimination laws
  • lifelong learning
  • upskilling
  • age-diverse hiring practices
  • inclusive workplace culture
  • experience
  • youth
  • innovation
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