IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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In numerous nations globally, rural inhabitants are relocating to urban, resulting in a decline in the
countryside
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 population.
While
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 some
people
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 claim it has helpful negative effects on society,
this
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 essay believes that moving to cities leads to the development of economics. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
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 effects. Regarding
this
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 topic, there are a number of positive effects
due to
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 the development of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 and the receiving of high-quality
education
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 and medical systems.
First,
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people
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 can develop their wealth and economic
situations
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situation
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.
For example
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, the
city
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 has many jobs and economic activities.
Therefore
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,
people
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 can do economic activities rather than the
countryside
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.
such
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 as the service and retail industry. They can start new businesses bigger than rural ones.
Second,
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people
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 can receive high-quality
educationand
Correct your spelling
education and
education
,
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in medicala
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medicala
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medical
 medical system.
For example
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. when children learn better about the level of
education
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,
city
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education
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 can offer
high
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a high
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 level of
education
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. If the elderly person needs surgery, they can easily seek medical treatment in the
city
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.
moreover
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, these services offer convenience to
people
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 in the living.
therefore
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,
people
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 tend to live in the
city
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 rather than the
countryside
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.
However
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, when thinking of
this
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 reason, the topic shows a more significant effect. If we think of straining urban infrastructure and erosion of rural culture and traditions.
People
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 would show stronger support for
this
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 action.
People
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 moved to the
city
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 more and more.
However
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, these moving lead to issues
such
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 as traffic congestion, lack of housing spaces and inflation.
For example
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, if one
city
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 has space only for 100
people
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, excessive migration
offers
Verb problem
causes
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 inconvenience to living
people
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.
Moreover
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, the more
people
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 a
city
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 has, the more traffic congestion the
city
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 will face.
Next,
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when most rural
people
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 move to the
city
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,
people
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 who know the
countryside
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 culture will disappear more and more. And
then
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, rural heritage will be gone in the historical. So, we should save these cultures and heritage for future generations. When considering all of these points in mind. In conclusion, discussing these points. In my opinion, moving is good for economic development.
however
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, we need to protect and think about rural culture and traditions for our sons and daughters.
Submitted by rjsdn2233 on

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Thesis clarity
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and provides a balanced view of the positives and negatives of rural to urban migration. To enhance clarity, consider refining your thesis statement and more precisely outlining the essay’s structure in the introduction.
Grammar & Spelling
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes as they can distract from your argument (e.g., 'educationand,' 'medicala'). Regular proofreading can help minimize these.
Sentence Variety
Your essay would benefit from more varied sentence structures for a stronger impact. Experimenting with complex and compound sentences can make your writing more engaging.
Supporting Examples
Consider adding more concrete examples to support your arguments. Specific instances or statistics can significantly strengthen your case and make your points more convincing.
Balanced View
You effectively address the bright side and the challenges of rural to urban migration, demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
Structure
Your essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion, which aids the reader's comprehension.
Argument Depth
You have provided relevant arguments supporting both the economic benefits and the potential downsides (cultural erosion, infrastructure strain) of migration, which enhances the essay’s depth.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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