IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shaps in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#growth #shaps #towns #cities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 do online shopping it will
one
Use synonyms
day
Use synonyms
 lead the way and it will close
one
Use synonyms
day
Use synonyms
 towns and cities
shops
Use synonyms
 closing. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 and I will discuss it. Nowadays, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 increasing online shopping because it is very easy to the
people
Use synonyms
. so
therefore
Linking Words
 they are used to everything online shopping. The majority of
people
Use synonyms
 are very busy they do not have enough time to go out for shopping.
As a result
Linking Words
, their convenient to do
this
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
, when the busy person who wants to purchase food for their home is very exhausted they can not go back to shopping in the cities. They
con
Correct your spelling
can
show examples
 only touch their phone and
like
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
one
show examples
Use synonyms
Add a comma
one-hour,
show examples
one-hour
Correct your spelling
hour
show examples
 they are
boring
Wrong verb form
bored
show examples
it
Correct your spelling
at
show examples
 home. On the other reason, if someone who does online shopping they have wants to know how to manage technology devices like mobile phones.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have to know that their mobile phone and their bank account how to manage.
For instance
Linking Words
, if they are buying online they have to give their personal account details and security cord. it is very easy but they want to know about it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, nowadays the young generation can do anything and the old
people
Use synonyms
 do not understand how to use and manage new technology devices. They are still used to going shopping in their vehicle or working in the
shops
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 why I do not agree with them closing the city and town closing
shops
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, online shopping increasing these days and it will more and more popular and the city and town
shops
Use synonyms
 will close for
one
Use synonyms
day
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 other person they do not want to online shopping and they always go to the
shops
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I totally disagree will closing the
shops
Use synonyms
one
Use synonyms
day
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
To strengthen your essay, consider structuring it more clearly to guide the reader through your argument. Opening with a clear statement of your position, followed by separate paragraphs for each point, helps to make your argument more accessible.
Examples
Expand and deepen your discussion with more detailed examples and explanations. While you have provided examples, digging deeper into how they support your argument will strengthen your essay.
Grammar
To enhance clarity, pay careful attention to your grammar and syntax. This will help to ensure that your ideas are communicated effectively to the reader.
Vocabulary
Consider varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to create a more engaging and sophisticated essay. This can also help in making your argument clearer and more compelling.
Clarity of Position
You effectively communicated a clear position in relation to the topic, stating your disagreement from the outset.
Coverage of Argument
You explored both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: