The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period.
The pie charts compare data on the evolution of tourism in
Autralia
and Germany from 1960 to 2010.
Correct your spelling
Australia
Overall
, Australia’s tourism has had varying nationalities of tourists during those 50 years. On the contrary
, German
Correct article usage
the German
seightseeing
industry has stayed almost the same with the exception of two origins.
In Australia, European tourists used to represent almost 53% of the whole Correct your spelling
sightseeing
while
Asia’s
Change noun form
Asia
would
only Verb problem
apply
take
up 10% of the Australian Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
touristic
industry. Yet, in 2010, Asia’s percentage of tourists in that country has Replace the word
tourist
immensly
grown reaching over 60%. Correct your spelling
immensely
On the other hand
, American and British sightseers only represented 22%, in 1960, and 27%, in 2010.
In Germany, the seightseers
statistics stayed similar over the years except for Britain’s Correct your spelling
sightseers
touristic
mass, Replace the word
tourist
whom
went from taking up 20% of the market to only 6% in the second chart. Change the pronoun
who
Furthermore
, European foreigners’ percentages have slightly decreased of
5% during those 50 years. Change preposition
by
Finally
, the
Asian representation in Germany has importantly increased reaching 25% in 2010 Correct article usage
apply
while
they used to only constitute 10% of the German market.Submitted by santos_dij on
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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