IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Large companies often use sports events to promote their products.Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sports #events #products #people #impact
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Sports
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 are widely used among big companies in order to attract
attention
Use synonyms
 to their products, but some people believe that they have their cons. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as excessive emphasis on advertising can overshadow the game, but at the same time, it can be positive as it offers crucial funding. Overattention to advertising and sponsorship can overshadow the actual sporting
events
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to interruptions, and viewers focus on revenue generation rather than the sport itself.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Australia, revenue that was allocated to
sports
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 was full of advertising posters that attracted viewers'
attention
Use synonyms
 and were not concentrated on the game.
Thus
Linking Words
, as
advertisements
Use synonyms
 attract a lot of
attention
Use synonyms
, it would be good if they were not displayed at sporting
events
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial for
sports
Use synonyms
 by offering funds. Modern facilities, equipment, and food supplies used in
sports
Use synonyms
 require money, and not every company can afford
such
Linking Words
 kinds of treats, but
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can offer enough funding to encourage them.
For example
Linking Words
, football players were dissatisfied with the facility that they used to prepare for tournaments, but as soon as Coca-Cola became the main advertiser for
this
Linking Words
 game, they immediately reconstructed the facility and offered all
sports
Use synonyms
 supplies.
Hence
Linking Words
, having
advertisements
Use synonyms
 for
sports
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 might
also
Linking Words
 have positive consequences, as it can provide enough funding. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 excessive
advertisements
Use synonyms
 on
sports
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 can grab the
attention
Use synonyms
 of viewers, they can
also
Linking Words
 play a vital role as they offer funding. Looking ahead,
such
Linking Words
advertisements
Use synonyms
 will likely become increasingly popular as large companies reap great benefits from them,
such
Linking Words
 as increased sales
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve, ensure that each supporting point is fully developed with clear examples and explanations. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive. Consider expanding on how advertisements directly impact viewers' experience during the sporting events.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow and coherence. Using more transitional phrases could help. Additionally, consider providing more elaboration on the examples given to enhance comprehension.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, addressing both the positive and negative aspects of advertisements in sports events.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and offers a forward-looking statement.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically organized, and each paragraph focuses on a single idea.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: