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Band 5.5

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reason for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#people #lives #reason
It is undeniable that some individuals enjoy living close to their
hometown
.
This
 could be mainly
due to
 the emotional
connection
as well as
 they prefer living close to their parents. Living close to the family and living in a familiar environment are advantageous.
However
, there are detrimental consequences as well.
To begin
 with, some
people
 are inclined to live close to where they were born as they prefer living close to their loved ones. Taking care of them could be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main reason as parents grow old. Another reason could be that they feel an emotional
connection
 with their
hometown
 and may feel that leaving
this
 place could break the
connection
 they had since childhood. One evident advantage of living close to the birthplace is that
people
 get to be around their loved ones.
In other words
, there is a close community of familiar
people
 to support them in their life stages.
For instance
,
people
 with
new born
Correct your spelling
newborn
show examples
 babies can get support from their parents to look after their kids when living close to them.
Moreover
, safety is another positive attribute. Familiar environments are safe and
people
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 always get the support of the community in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
uncertain or challenging
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the main negative aspect is that individuals will not get the opportunity to meet new
people
 and build new relationships.
Therefore
, they might miss the opportunity to learn new perspectives about life that could hinder their personal development.
Furthermore
, they
also
 miss the opportunity to explore new cultures and new experiences outside
the
Change the word
their
show examples
hometown
.
For example
, I read in an article that
people
 who live outside their hometowns are prone to succeed
70
Change preposition
in 70
show examples
%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In conclusion, some
people
 spend most of their lives close to their
hometown
as a result
 of close family and emotional
connection
.
This
 comes with both merits and demerits.
Submitted by madonnasama on

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Task Achievement
Be sure to directly address all parts of the prompt. You've done well in outlining reasons and advantages, but make sure to expand and provide detailed examples for each point.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance your score further, try to incorporate a wider range of linking words and coherent paragraph structures that clearly separate your ideas.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more diverse and specific examples to support your points. Real-world examples or statistics can significantly strengthen your argument and provide clarity.
Task Achievement
You've effectively communicated the main advantages and disadvantages.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows a good attempt at creating a logical structure, dividing the discussion into clear, thematic paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Settlement
  • Hometown
  • Roots
  • Community
  • Emotional attachment
  • Sense of familiarity
  • Social network
  • Bond
  • Safety
  • Proximity
  • Support system
  • Heritage
  • Limited options
  • Risk aversion
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Unfamiliarity
  • Exploration
  • Adventurous spirit
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